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narrators-journal · 1 month ago

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Hi, could you please do a persona 3 fanfic for shinjiham? i'm stuck between asking for day 12 or 31. Please choose whichever would work for you. Thank you so much!

This one might be a tad rough bc I have, like, no fuckin’ experience writing Kotone and Shinji seriously, and I struggled so hard to choose a scenario for this, but I’m not too mad at how this one turned out! I did my best to give it some fun settings and extra details, and I hope that carries through! I’m also glad that I got it done before the end of the month, tho I’m cutting it a tiny bit close lol. But hey! The ask box is open until November 1st, so I’ve got until then to finish up any kinktober requests.

Kinktober prompt list: Here

Kinktober masterlist: Here

CW: U almost got some overt exhibitionism, but I decided against it lmao, so it’s only there if you acknowledge that shadows are probably lurking around nearby. Thigh fucking, some blueballs for the girlies this time lol, technically some semi-public sex, and that should be it!

As a member of the SEES, Kotone Shiomi was forced to make a handful of sacrifices. Her grades, her social life, a diurnal lifestyle, and a bit of her sanity all had to be given up for the sake of the world’s safety. Which, she was fine with, she already struggled to maintain friendships, she could do her homework and catch-up work before 11 pm each night, and her sanity was already somewhat screwed, so that wasn’t much of a cost. Hell, she had even managed to date one of the other seniors who was a SEES member, so compared to Yukari, she had adjusted quite well to the demands of shadow hunting. However, the one thing that she struggled to schedule around the thirteenth hour of the day, was intimacy. And, while she didn’t need a lotof sex, she was still a woman. And she did not appreciate the Dark Hour’s interruption of her chase for a damned orgasm.

So, she felt no shame in her frustration that night, nor in how she whined, “Shinnnjirrooooo…” while she hung from Shinjiro Aragakari’s coat-clad arm. No attention given to the disembodied hand that skittered by their feett as they looked for more threateneing shadows within the gothic walls of the Tartarus block they were in. “What.” Was the only blunt answer she got, though. Even though She could feel how tense and pent up Shinji was, even twenty minutes after their little rendezvous had been cut short. “Can we please continue what we were doing? Please?” She plead, her crimson eyes as pouty as possible so that she could widdle her way through the resting bitch face of the pretty vampire of a brunette she called a boyfriend. “Kotone, we are in fucking Tartarus.” “Yeah! Alone! We can totally get away with a quicky at the least.~” She pointed out, her voice allowed to dip into a purr as she watched Shinji’s eye twitch. “I mean, we were already gonna hook up, so why not just move that plan to do it in here?” “The shadows, Fuuka’s ability to track us,” He listed, though he pointedly didn’t react to the small pop that signified Fuuka had swiftly turned off their comms, “The reaper too, that’s an issue.” So, the wild-haired brunette sighed and flopped her head onto his arm. “But Shinji…” She tried in her best, most miserably needy voice. The fabric of his thick coat unable to hide how even the slightest squeeze she gave to his arm made him weaken ever so slightly. Until, he crumbled at last.

“Fine. But it’s going to be quick, and nothing too extreme.” He warned her as he put his axe down, and while part of Kotone wanted to argue for the sake of her own orgasm, she bit it back and just nodded. Obedient in how she let Shinji pull her over to the bit of darkly-bricked wall between two of the block’s large, floor-to-ceiling windows. And in how she put her hands against the wall so that she could press herself back against the taller brunette’s strong body while his mouth set to work without hesitation as soon as Kotone’s body was trapped between his and the bricks. The stubble on his chin tickled Kotone’s neck as she offered it up to the barrage of hot, quick kisses while her boyfriend’s hands found the buttons of her school blazer and began to pick open them open so that he could palm at her breasts through less layers. Meanwhile, his hips began to grind against her until a small moan slipped from her lips.

But, she didn’t leave all of the work to her boyfriend, she pressed her ass back against his erection to draw out a groan to match her own needy noise in the warped building’s air. “You seriously have no patience.” Shinji muttered in a huskier voice while one of his hands moved from her chest in order to finally free himself from his jeans. And, despite his huffs and gruff tone, the brunette could tell how impatienthe was by the way that his heavy cock twitched against her ass. Yet, when Kotone lifted her skirt to push her dampened panties down her thighs for him, the taller brunette caught her wrist with a reminder, “Don’t bother, we don’t have long before the others start to question our vanishing from the comms.” his words tickling the skin at the base of her neck before he leaned back and let her go so that he could pull a small thing of lubricant from his pocket. “Oh, so you’re the only one who gets to get off?” She pouted over her shoulder at the cranky man, but his steel-colored eyes barely lifted from his own cock as he dripped a bit of lubricant onto himself without an answer. “Also why do you have that-” “Do you want sex, or do you want to play twenty questions?” Shinji snapped, those cold, metallic eyes suddenly lifted to meet her own crimson eyes with a glare. And, while Kotone knew that the mean look was harmless, she still got the message and shut up with little more than a glare in return.

So, Shinji returned his attention to the spread of the thick fluid over his length while Kotone stayed against the wall of Tartarus as she watched his hand slide up and down his generous length and felt her panties dampen more at the sight of the bead of creamy precum that built up at the tip. Though, her attention was brought back to herself when she felt Shinji’s calloused hand nudge her thighs closed and hike her skirt up slightly. “How is this supposed to get me off, again?” She huffed, even as she did as she was told and trapped his cock between the soft meat of her thighs. Her boyfriend’s mouth back at the nape of her neck while his arms wrapped around her waist. “Shush, we’re taking turns. And since you’re making me do this, I’m getting off first.” He grumbled, distracting her from further complaints with the drag of his cock easily between her legs thanks to the bit of lubricant he’d applied.

And, while Shinji definitely got the most out of the position, Kotone wasn’t left totally high and dry. With where his dick was sandwiched, his cock was all but forced to press against her clothed pussy at least a little every time that he thrust. The wet slide of skin upon skin mixed with their soft noises, and the warmth of Shinji’s body and puffed breaths against Kotone’s skin enough kindling to keep Kotone’s heartbeat up and the coil in her belly tightened to a nearly painful degree. Such a degree, that the brunette was almost sure that the only reason she could still stand was because of how Shinji’s strong arms were wrapped around her waist. “Shinji…” She whined, her nails dug into the wall as she squeezed her thighs together tighter in a desperate attempt to get more of that contact. Yet, all she gets instead is a hiss from her boyfriend, the pace of his movements forced to stutter as his cock twitched dangerously between her legs. “Fuck, Kotone...I think I’m gonna…” Shinji muttered, his voice a husky whisper as his hips slapped against her body hard enough to make her bounce and whimper needily in his grip. But, he didn’t need to finish his sentence, because after a few more firm slaps of his skin against hers, she could feel his release spill out of him. The warm ribbons of fertile cream splattered against the inside of her uniform’s skirt while he crushed her against his powerful chest until she could barely breathe. The solid stone beneath her palms a much needed support to keep the smaller woman on her feet as her boyfriend’s strength drained further with each twitch and with each weakened spurt of cum.

Until, after a brief moment that felt like five full minutes, Shinji seemed to regain his breath enough to hold himself up and weakly mutter, “Fuck…” against Kotone’s fair skin. Which, made her chuckle a bit and tighten the grip her thighs still held on Shinji’s softened cock, “Didn’t think my thighs were all it took to make you cum so fast, babe.~” “Shut it. I was already worked up from earlier.” He huffed before he loosened his hold on her waist to straighten properly and let her stand up properly. “So was I, but Ididn’t cum from that.” She teased, doing her best to wipe his cum off of the underside of her skirt with a handkerchief she had. All while the grumpy brunette huffed and stuffed himself back into his pants. “Fine, if you’re gonna tease me like that, your turn can wait the rest of the dark hour then.” He finally said before he moved on to continue their shadow hunt. Kotone’s complaints and arguments ignored as she chased after him.

#ask #persona 3 #ShinjiHam #persona #Shinjiro Aragaki x female!persona 3 protagonist #kotone shiomi #minako arisato #female!persona 3 protagonist #not sfw #lemon #minors do not interact #kinktober #mdni #spicy #kinktober 2024 #kinktober2024 #scenario #Shinjiro Aragaki

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zeon-twilight · 6 months ago

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Grit

Today I went to visit with my parents and do some projects around the house. The day started a little stressful with some mild friction with one of my partners, but it improved after we talked it out. They even decided to come along and help out a bit while visiting with my folks, and it really helped me feel supported. The work and visit went well, and I don't really have complaints about it. Unfortunately, on the way home another member of the house revealed they'd had a very difficult day at work, and it struck me how difficult it is to maintain a positive vibe when it feels like the whole world is falling apart around us. Saw at least 6 homeless folks on the side of the road on the way through the city back home. Could only afford to give one of a couple bucks of aid. Yet we live in a world where billionaire assholes go to visit the Titanic's wreckage in submarines. One can only hope each and every one becomes a one way ticket. I've noticed in myself a fairly high threshold for adversity, for disappointment and pain. I'm trying to keep that ability, trying to hold the faith that things will work out somehow, that kindness, care, and understanding are worth the effort. I try not to dwell on the ways in which friends grow apart and become more isolated, the way scarcity drives everyone to be their worst selves. But damn, some days it's harder than others. Wish I could be excited about a certain former president being found guilty of a small subset of his many many many many crimes, that's some real history, but I'm so drained and cynical that my first thought is "How will this fascist prick weasel out of this one?" I'm tired of busting ass to make money and try to survive, and feeling like there's little that I can do to support my family but sacrifice time, energy and sanity while fat cats wage their little wars and send the poor to die in them. I'm tired of watching the people with power point to various groups of poor and disenfranchised people to pin the blame for the mess the world is in on them. Tired of bootlicking morons slurping up the lies and asking for more to feed their misplaced hatred. Suppose it's the same as it's ever been, but damn if it doesn't feel harder as we go on. I've stopped hoping for an easier life when the only real option seems to be to grow more resilient. I'm tired of having to grit my teeth to get through each day, and even my good days being tinged with sadness and pain. How do we change this miserable situation? Tell me if you know, Who/What/when/Where-ever you are, ZT

#so this is blogging huh

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electricbluebutterflies · 1 year ago

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8, 15, and or 42 for your dune babes from the list of 69 smut prompts!

Look y'all I finally did mid-era Jessica/Leto after SO much internal complaining about how that era is the hardest for me to write for them. Very vaguely NSFW, probably pushes some plausibility boundaries here but in the hot way, and also on ao3.

mental/psychic sex + accidental stimulation

Jessica is bored. Never a good start to a situation.

Worse, she’s bored and exiled to her end of the hallway due to… various diplomatic maneuverings that she’s decided she doesn’t care about, but the relevant detail is this week’s sanctioned invasion does not involve anyone pitching a marriage alliance. Which means she should, in theory, be able to maintain her normal routines and make herself useful at the end of these very long days and-

Instead, for yet another reason she’s choosing not to know for the sake of her fragile sanity and the survival of whomever might reveal it, temporary exile until it all blows over. Just to her end of the hallway. Just for a few days. Still.

Jessica has learned vividly in these past ten years that she is very territorial. It’s interesting sometimes how she and her partner have the same flaws, and she suspects this separation is weighing on him too – they’ve barely had the chance to make eye contact in three days, and she would be so useful if it were just slightly more acceptable for her to-

It’s late enough that the complex is quiet, and the rebellious part of her is tempted to just clear the distance for a few hours and then slip back where she’s supposed to be with no damage done, and… no, that is not who she is. There are limits to her defiance, let her hold to that, let her-

With that option out of the running, she decides this is an acceptable time to experiment. The limits of her abilities are so vague sometimes, and projecting parts of her consciousness through a few walls doesn’t feel impossible right now. Something no one else in her world should ever find out she can do, yes, but that’s half her range anyways and-

“Can you hear me?” Her own voice audible in the spacious quiet of her bedroom, somehow making the space seem even more desolate. She’d adapted the décor to what passed for her preferences upon her arrival and hasn’t really done anything since, hasn’t spent enough time here to need to, but tomorrow she’ll see about getting less heavy curtains and-

“Jess?”

The short form of her name is never a good sign. She can almost see every muscle of his body tense, how easily he worries, the justifications and the rising panic at once and-

“Nothing’s wrong, love. Breathe.”

“You could’ve started with that.”

“I wasn’t sure this would work.”

“You, less than confident?”

“I try to stay out of your head, I didn’t know if our bond was-“

“I can hear you. In my head but as if you were here next to me.”

She hopes her sigh of relief doesn’t project through, but her pride is another matter. She’s done something she knows is at the very least more difficult, a skill she wasn’t supposed to need, and-

“I miss you. Nothing more.”

“A few more days and then as soon as they’re gone I’m finding a reason to slip away and-“

She feels the flickerings of desire through the connection, and feels herself become warm as well. She has trained herself to be responsive, to shift blood flow at the slightest stimulus, and this is enough to provoke but it won’t go far enough and-

She really, really ought to slip into something more revealing and go down the hallway. She has no intention of doing so.

“Not if I do so first,” she murmurs instead.

This too gets results. From her current distance she can feel the vague outline of her partner’s form, his primary focus and emotions. He’d like that, she processes. He likes when she’s assertive, rare as it is, how much more comfortable she is with subtle provocation until he snaps but sometimes she just doesn’t have time for that and-

“You’re impossible sometimes.”

Jessica takes that comment for the compliment it is and tries to project herself further, to reach her consciousness into his as deep as it’ll go, tries to hide the fear of having no idea what she’s doing and-

“Tell me if any of this gets unusually strange.”

“By your standards or by anyone else’s?”

She can easily envision his delight right now – how long it took for her to accept the purity of his fascination with her, the usually quiet awe she covers herself in. “By ours, love.”

“So far… unusual but alright, whatever you’re doing.”

“I’m supposed to leave you alone. Technically I’m still following the rules.” And sleeping alone in an uncomfortable bed, and covering her face every time she leaves this space, and doing a dozen other things she’s less than happy about, and-

“You have never seen a boundary you didn’t immediately want to find a way around.”

“I was perfect before I met you.”

“You still are.”

If they talk more, she’ll say things she really shouldn’t and get herself in far more trouble and… trying to play with the limits of her projection is less likely to go sideways. Reaching into her lover’s body, not to control but to help, how is this different from using pressure points as she does so often, how is this-

“Let me lead. Let me have you. Get… get comfortable and-“

She can almost feel the shifting of garments, an understanding of what she’s trying to do and that from their distance she will need cooperation. This will make things easier, next time will be better, next time will-

“Are you touching yourself too?”

“You know I don’t need to.”

“That’s not what I was asking.”

She turns her body up all the same, lets herself ache. If anything about this night were normal, his hands would be on her now, somehow distracted and attentive at once, making sure everything is real before he covers her and-

“Do you not feel that? Is it not enough?”

“Not the same. But if this is what you want…”

“Tell me to stop and I’ll-“

“Don’t stop.”

She focuses herself as she can, letting memories guide her. How familiar they have become to each other, how easy it is to feel the echoes of her partner’s fingertips, the fact that she is fully clothed is irrelevant and-

Focus. If there were not physical distance, she would return the favor, cautious touch until he aches for her and one of them snaps and-

“You amaze me.”

There’s something breathless in the projection, and she can feel the need of it all as she lets her own desire match. Her lover has been kind in their bed; there may be a casual comment the next time they entwine about how his hand is no match for her softness, but these things happen, she is making the strange situation work, she is-

Something in the connection bursts, and for a moment she worries she’s broken it but her own mirrored response shows otherwise. She’s so impeccable about reaching her peak at the same moment as her partner, and she didn’t even process-

“A few more days,” she repeats. “And then I fully expect to be pinned to a wall.”

“You hate that.”

“Not always. I’m giving advance permission.”

“Which means by the time we get the chance you’ll-“

“Hold me to it. As soon as we get a moment I want-“

“You’re handling this worse than usual.”

“Usual is I’m trying to keep you from getting stuck with some vapid trinket half your age,” she murmurs, almost a laugh. “That at least keeps me occupied. This doesn’t even give me that pleasure.”

“You are truly wasted as a display object.”

“You know how much more I am.”

“I do. And I keep it close.”

Her domestication, volatile as it has been, has given her more freedom than she’d ever dreamed. Her partner’s fleeting awareness of what he’s done is… sweet, most of the time, and-

“Rest, love. Tomorrow is more of the most boring meetings you’ll ever endure and-“

“You should stick your head in. You’re respectable, it’d be more comfortable for you to watch from the sidelines than through the walls and-“

“You assume I’m actually interested enough to listen. I have no opinions on these matters. Trade deals are… not something I was ever trained to meddle in anyways.”

If they were in the same physical space, she knows she’d get a comment about how she’s gone right past anything she was ever supposed to do, but-

“The option is there. If you want it.”

“We’d distract each other too much.”

“A good daydream would at least keep me from losing consciousness.”

“You can daydream perfectly fine without a visual. Not that I’m much of one in a cocoon dress anyways.”

A few moment’s silence – the stability of being together and apart, bodies shifting in their respective locations for comfort and-

“You should rest too. I can’t imagine this has been-“

“I feel fine. Really. I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t hurt myself for you.”

Whether or not he believes her is a conversation they’re both too polite to have, but-

“Rest. You do push yourself so far.”

In the same space that would be a provocation, but apart she takes it for the genuine concern that it is. “I’ll try to… I won’t do this again. It’s just a few more days, I won’t-“

Jessica drops the connection before she can say something she shouldn’t. Always the restraint, always the knowing when to hold back, always-

Someday, she thinks, someday she’ll be brave. Until then, at least she can improvise.

#ebf writes fic #leto x jessica #queue

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shadyteacup · 3 years ago

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Hi! Im the one req 7 for chuuya sorry i didint specified, i just realized it. Can i get angst prompt 7 for chuuya?

Hiya! This pained me to write, so I made it fluffy at the end... sorry if u were looking for pure angst! I can't go to sleep peacefully peacefully after writing angst, I need to clutch my soft toys and cry myself to sleep..

Warnings: Angst to fluff, maybe a swear word at the end.. dw, it's just "bish", but like the actual word.

Word count: 2006 😳yes, I got carried away

Nakahara Chuuya + “Please wake up”

Forewarning

“Don’t move, Chu.”

You grumbled against his chest. It was yet another lazy morning for the two of you. Lazy mornings consisted of waking up late, cuddling on the bed till lunch time, getting dressed and having dinner at some exotic place, going for a long drive, then coming back home. It was a perfect day for a traditional lazy day, except for the fact it was a weekday.

Chuuya sighed. He had to get to work, and so did you. You both couldn’t afford to miss any workdays, considering that you both worked for the same organization, one that didn’t hesitate to punish for untimely work. Chuuya was an executive, and so were you. You both had multiple solo missions planned out for today and one mission wherein you both had to team up. It was going to be quite a busy day, and Chuuya wanted nothing more than to just get it all over with. He was looking forward to some lazy cuddles in the evening, after both of your jobs were done.

“We have to get dressed, dove.”

He tried reasoning with you. You were a workaholic, just like him. It surprised him to see this lazy side of you. But then again, you must be tired, he thought.

“I know. But let’s bunk today!”

You looked up at him with wide eyes, hoping to convince him.

Chuckling, he pet your head affectionately.

“The mafia isn’t some school that you could just bunk. Besides, don’t you love working?”

You frowned at that. You were feeling weird today. It’s like something was forewarning you. But about what?

“I just have a bad feeling about today. I don’t know why, but I feel like something bad is going to happen.”

He sighed. He was never one to believe I such things. That was why you weren’t telling him until now.

“We work in the mafia. How worse can it get?”

“I suppose you’re right.”

You smiled, getting up to get ready.

....

“The target is in the warehouse.”

Chuuya said to you. You both were currently seated in Chuuya’ s car, parked on a hill. Your stakeout point had a clear view of an abandoned warehouse. Apparently, it was the location where a rival gang was coordinating with some members of the mafia and stealing their goods. You both had already executed the moles and had sent in one of your trusted members as a pretend mole. He would send you both a signal when he felt that the security was the weakest at the entrance. You both would then attack. He was supposed to cause a commotion in there, resulting in majority of the guards to rush inside and leave the entrance wide open for you two. Your men had already sealed all exits to ensure no one got out. Now you were both waiting for the signal.

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.”

Chuuya pouted at your jab.

“I was just being thorough!”

“By stating the obvious?”

“You’re so mean.”

“Says the angry redhead.”

“What has my hair got to do with anything?!”

“Your hair has got to do with everything! I-”

A sharp sound was heard. Both you and Chuuya were blinded for a second as white filled your vision. You felt your torso pinch a little. It almost felt like someone was sticking a few needles into your tummy. You heard screams. They sounded frantic. A few moments later, your vision cleared, and you saw yourself floating in the air, a frantic Chuuya saying something to you. It all sounded mangled and mixed up. If you could have laughed at the moment, you would have laughed at how funny he sounded.

The screams had turned to cries, now. You were so confused. Who was crying? And why was Chuuya pressing down on your stomach?

Looking down, you saw the blood. There was blood everywhere. It had completely soaked your shirt. Chuuya was using his ability and his hands to keep it in. He seemed hurried. His eyes were watery, and streams of tears were flowing down his cheeks.

Finally understanding the situation, you realised that you were injured. Looking down at your torso, you saw the two bullet wounds. And now, you finally felt them. The pain was overwhelming. It rushed in like water at the breaking of a dam. It completely filled you up. You now realised that those cries of pain were actually your own. You wished to have never woken from your daze. You wanted to remain oblivious. You wanted the pain to go back to mere pinpricks. It was too much. Succumbing to the enormous pain, you let your eyes shut close. You realised that your body was going to sleep. Maybe for the last time.

....

Chuuya sat in a chair next to your sleeping form. You were lying unconscious on the clean white sheets of the hospital bed. Your entire torso was covered in bandages. You had taken two bullets, one in the side and one right next to your belly button. The doctors were able to save you in time, and it was a matter of time till you gained consciousness.

Chuuya held his face in his hands. The memories of just moments prior to visiting the hospital kept running through his head. He kept seeing flashes of your blood oozing out of your body. He kept remembering the way your eyes had glazed over while he tried to apply pressure on your wounds. There was so much blood. His mere two hands were proving to be inefficient. So, he had activated his ability to push the blood back in. He had no clue if that had helped. He remembered activating his ability the moment you had let out a blood curdling scream. He had levitated you both out of the car and high up in the night sky.

He should have listened to you. Your forewarnings were right. Something terrible had ended up happening. The mole he had sent inside was found murdered by the backup team, and the head of the organization had fled. His men had taken up sniping positions all across the hills. Two of them had shot you at once. He remembered going on a mad spree and pelting boulders at all the men in his sight using his ability right before he flew to the hospital with you in his arms.

“Has she gained consciousness?”, the doctor asked as she peeked in. Chuuya had asked all medical personnel to leave him alone with his sweetheart, a little too passionately, after they were done treating you, and hence the poor doctor was a tad bit scared to check up on your vitals.

Chuuya whipped his head up.

“No.”

The doctor scrunched her brows in worry. Rushing in, she did some tests.

“I’m sorry, sir, but if the patient doesn’t wake up in another hour, we will have to declare a coma condition.”

“What?!”

The doctor jumped at his outburst, but answered him, nonetheless.

“The body is behaving as if it is already in coma. This can also be because it is repairing itself. It doesn’t necessarily have to be coma.”

She sighed.

“But, if the patient retains this state of unconsciousness, we will have to rule out a natural healing process. I suggest you try to communicate with the patient. Sit close, hold hands, maintain physical contact. Try speaking. That way, maybe the body will react to a familiar scent, touch or voice, and gain consciousness.”

Chuuya gulped, worried, and nodded.

“I understand.”

He shakily made his way to your face, observing your serene features. He hesitantly put your hair behind your ear, breathing unsteadily. He felt immense guilt and anger. He was guilty of not paying your uneasiness an ear, and he was angry because he couldn’t save you. If only he had been more vigilant, more aware of his surroundings, he would have been able to smell a rat.

“I’m so sorry. I should have listened to you. I should have been able to protect you.”

He gasped inaudibly, trying to keep his sobs in. He couldn’t stop the tears. They flowed freely down his cheeks, a symbol of his immense fear of losing you. He couldn’t bear the idea of loosing you. It might be selfish of him, but he wanted you to live, because God-forbid, if you didn’t, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. He knew that if such a devastating situation ever occurred, he would lose all sanity and go mad. He would lose his mental balance and completely fall off the edge. He couldn’t bear to be separated from you for two days, forget the rest of his lifetime.

He caressed your cheek, smiling bitterly at your sleeping form. Nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck, he let himself truly cry. He let out all his emotions into your hair. He found comfort in your warmth. He has always felt the safest in your embrace. That’s where he could truly be himself.

He didn’t realise how long it had been when he began talking to you. Telling you how much he loved you and how he couldn’t live without you. He pondered on how he would take his life if you left him.

“I’d have to go to that stupid mackerel for guidance. But then again, he has been unsuccessful in killing himself for 22 years. He’s probably the worst suicidal guy out there.”

He was lying next to you now, cradling your frail form in his arms.

The doctor waltzed in, a serious and sorrowful expression straining her pretty features.

“Nakahara-san, I’m so sorry.”

Chuuya gritted his teeth, holding onto you tighter.

“No! There’s still a chance that-”

“Its hopeless. The patient has already been in this state for 16 hours.”

“16 hours?”

The doctor smiled sympathetically.

“I gave you a lot more time. I thought maybe the constant contact would help. But sadly, it’s out of our hands now.”

Chuuya sat up, holding your face in his large palms.

“Wake up! Wake up, damnit!”

He shook you gently, desperate to get any kind of reaction out of you.

“Nakahara-san! Please get away from the patient! You mustn’t cause any harm! Security?!”

The doctor rushed forward to pull Chuuya off of you, but he held onto you. He grabbed your arms, looping his own around them and pulling you towards him.

“Wake up!”

He rested his face on your chest, sobs escaping him.

“Please... please wake up...”

The doctor reached forward to clasp his shoulder, trying to pry him off of you.

A large gasp followed by couple of coughs were heard.

You took in a large breath, trying to swallow. Your throat was dry and scratchy.

“Y/N!”

Looking up, you saw Chuuya holding you in his arms, a relieved and surprised expression on his elegant features.

“Hey.”

Your voice sounded raspy, but it was music to his ears.

He engulfed you in a hug, one that knocked the air out of your lungs.

“She’s still a patient!”

The doctor reprimanded as the security guards pulled Chuuya off of you.

You smiled at the tiny ginger.

“I’m alive, Chu. Stop being dramatic.”

Chuuya laughed at your carefree attitude. He didn’t resist the men as they pulled him out of the room. He was relieved to see you awake. He didn’t care about anything else. Just as he was about to leave, you spoke up.

“Call Gin and tell her that I’m not dead!”

“You don’t need to call me, idiot. I was waiting right outside.”

You smiled as she walked in, giving you a hug.

“Why does she get to go in but not me?!”

Chuuya whined.

“Hey Gin, guess what?”

Gin smiled at you, sitting at the edge of your bed at the nurses did their check-ups.

“What?”

“I’m alive, bitch!”

Your snickers could be heard till the hallway, where the rest of your friends were seated. Shaking his head, Tachihara snickered.

“Good ol’ Y/N.”

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kiingocreative · 3 years ago

Text

The Structure of Story is now available! Check it out on Amazon, via the link in our bio, or at https://kiingo.co/book

Performance coach Tony Robbins says that the quality of our lives depends on the state we live in every moment of every day. That state, whether we’re happy, sad, frustrated or excited, depends on three things:

• Our physiology — the way we move our bodies, the way we breathe and what we do with our face.

• Our language — the words we use, whether spoken out loud or inside our own head, to describe our experiences.

• What we focus on — the things we see versus the things we block out or fail to notice.

Today, I want to zone in on that final piece, because what we focus on is key, and it will in turn affect the way you move your body and hold yourself, and the language you use. I see this play out so much around me in general, and in the writing community in particular.

At any given time, the things we focus on determine how we feel and what we make of a situation. And what we focus on, in turn, is governed by the questions we ask ourselves every moment of every day.

Take your writing journey for instance:

If someone leaves you a negative review, do you ask yourself whether this means you’re a failure and your work is a failure? Do you ask yourself how dare that person belittle your work with a bad review? Or do you ask yourself what you can learn from this? Could you ask yourself how good it is that this person was honest in their feedback, so that readers with similar tastes won’t buy your book—and therefore not spend money on a read they might otherwise dislike and rate negatively too?

See how different questions would illicit different points of focus, and therefore different states? Some are more conducive to a positive mindset, whilst others tend to nurture frustration.

‘Why’ Questions: The Endless Loop.

And so it goes that by asking lousy questions, we get lousy answers. Because our brain has this tendency of taking any request we give it and processing it, regardless of whether or not it’s good for us. It’ll scour through the recesses of our mind and go on and on until it finds an answer.

‘Why’ questions are the worst, because there’s often no clear answer, or more than one possible answer to them, and it sends our mind on a chase to find as many possible reasons, processing like a headless chicken, often going around in circles, leaving us ruminating.

Take our example again: What if you asked yourself ‘why is this person leaving me a bad review?’

Now unleash your brain on that one, and let it roll with it—you may get:

• Because they didn’t like the book.

• Because my book is terrible.

• And if my book is terrible, then that makes me a terrible writer.

• Maybe I should just stop writing.

• Who was I to think I could do this?

• I’m clearly not good enough.

• Or maybe they left a bad review because they’re an idiot and didn’t get the brilliance of my work.

• Clearly they’re a moron.

• Maybe I should track them down and tell them just that.

• Maybe I should rally everyone I know on Instagram to shame that dimwit for leaving that review.

• …

… this can go on, until it loops back to the top and starts again. Sounds familiar?

What kind of state do you think you’d be in from obsessing over those disempowering, angering questions, never able to get closure because the loop has no logical end?

Empowering Alternatives.

My own experience of asking myself lousy questions, and my interactions with others within the writing community, have left me convinced that writers need to start asking themselves more empowering questions.

Because the way we tend to ask questions to ourself—those that breed anger, and resentment, and self doubt—ultimately only bring us back to two fears that sit at the root of it all: the fear that we’re not good enough, and the fear that we won’t be loved (or appreciated, or liked). These fears can be crippling. And that can’t be good for anyone’s art anywhere.

I’m writing this today to give you some more empowering alternatives. Some that I have used along my journey and have helped me improve.

Here are four examples:

#1 — gearing up for success:

• Instead of: ‘Why are other writers so much more successful than I am?’

• Ask yourself: ‘What I can learn from other writers to become more successful myself?’

There’s a lot of comparison out there. We know we shouldn’t fall into the trap of it, but it’s easier said than done.

If you see fellow writers thriving with their writing, their social media strategy or their exposure, try modelling what they do that is working and find what, from that, works for you.

Better even, reach out to people and ask them for advice—most people will be more than happy to share, and it’s a great way to build a network!

#2 — boosting sales:

• Instead of: ‘Why am I not selling books?’

• Ask yourself: ‘What I can do to increase my book sales?’

It can be discouraging to have published something, and to see your sales figures stalling. If you start wallowing in self pity through disempowering ‘why’ questions, you’re bound to start spiralling.

Instead, make a list of what you could do to help your sales along.

Here are some ideas that come to mind:

• Seek out book clubs and put your book on their radar. See if they’d been interested in reading your book and having you for an author Q&A when they’re done reading the book.

• Look into running promotions on Amazon (like discounted eBooks).

• Go local! Reach out to your local community and spread the word (cafes, local bookshops and libraries, local Facebook groups and communities etc.) and give them a chance to support a local.

• Contact your old school or university and enquire about showcasing you and your book as an alumni success story.

• Build genuine connections with fellow writers, avid readers and book bloggers. These relationships are a fantastic way to increase your reach and spreading the word about your book—and as a result, improve sales.

• Offer to do a read and review swap with a fellow author, where you read and review each other’s book.

• And so on.

If you start asking your brain to think outside the box, it’ll do just that!

#3 — the writer’s life:

• Instead of: ‘Why can’t I be a full-time writer and have financial security from writing?’

• Ask yourself: 'How is my present occupation helping my writing?’

• …And then ask: 'What can I do to increase my revenue from writing?’

This is one topic that’s been crossing my mind a lot, and I suspect many of us out there have pondered it at one point or other. If asked the wrong way, this question can send you spiralling into a frustrated state.

I don’t write full-time at present, and I have had my moments of daydreaming hours away, wishing I could live off my craft. That never led to anything very productive.

What I have found helpful however has been to focus on what my day job enables me to do with my writing:

• It takes away the pressure of earning a full income from writing.

• It gives me time to write and experiment with my craft in different forms.

• It enables me to look into ways to monetise my writing at my own pace.

• And that’s made for much more exciting trains of thought!

#4 — social media guru:

• Instead of: ‘Why can’t I manage to grow my Instagram reach?’ Or ‘why is social media sapping my energy?’

• Ask yourself: ‘What can I do to create a healthier balance when it comes to promotion efforts?’

Social media is a tricky one. It has incredible benefits if leveraged the right way, and it’s an amazing tool to get yourself and your work out there. In fact, I recently wrote a piece on the immense value of joining Bookstagram for writers.

But it can also be a drain, because the mechanisms of social media are built on the principle of addiction. It’s literally designed to suck you in and make you crave more, and fear that you’re missing out and not doing enough.

To avoid falling into that vicious circle, I’ve found it much healthier to ask myself how I can find the right balance to achieve what I want with my social media presence whilst also keeping my sanity. What this ends up being will look different for different people. If you’re unsure where to start, think about what you find challenging about maintaining your social media account, then what you find helps with your peace of mind, and try to find a middle ground somewhere in between that meets your needs.

Ask and thou shalt get.

I’m a firm believer in our ability to manifest our reality—at least to some extent. If you focus on all the wrong things, then your reality will look challenging and bleak.

If you train yourself to look for constructive ways forward and to get yourself excited about making the journey smoother for yourself, then finding that sweet spot that works for you can be a fascinating journey.

And that all starts with asking the right questions. Finding the right point of focus. Writing can be a wonderful, yet at times confusing and challenging journey. So do yourself a favour: where possible, take away those mind blocks that stand in your way!

Different questions about your writing journey illicit different points of focus, and therefore different states. Some are more conducive to a positive mindset, whilst others tend to nurture frustration.

#writingtips #screenwriting #creative writing #writers on tumblr #writers #writing #writerblr #writing advice #writing community #writing resources

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himitsu-luna · 4 years ago

Text

Nct 127 - Creature series

File #6 - Jaehyun, the vampire

Genre: angst, supernatural, romance

Warnings: death of characters, mentions of killing methods, mentions of blood, pain, description of vampire bites and perfuration

Pairing: Jaehyun x reader

Featuring: Jeno

Word count: 2.7 k

Nct 127 creature series masterlist

The story

Jaehyun was born in 1797, as a normal human.

At that time, mankind and the vampire breed had a tense relationship. But, very strangely, everything seemed under control

When he was 24, because of a series of unfortunate events, involving conspirations and betrayals, a war broke out between the two races

Jaehyun, as a young soldier and leader of a troop, were sent to the battlefield.

Sad and bitter events happened, and he was turned into a vampire.

Since then, he lives for centuries and centuries, going from place to place, playing hundreds of roles, experiencing hundreds of lives, looking for one thing that keeps him going through his imortal existence

The powers

You either are born as a vampire or you become one.

You only become a vampire if you get bitten by one

However, when you get bitten by a vampire, it doesn't necessarily mean you will become one.

The cruel part of turning into a vampire is that it's not for free. In reality, it's an exchange of a life for another life.

The vampire transformation takes 2 hours to be completed, and it will only fully consolidate if the bitten person drinks a considerably large amount of human or vampire blood before the two hours end. Otherwise, when the time comes to an end, the person dies.

The person or vampire bitten by the incomplete transformed vampire inevitably succumbs.

In other words, the vampire transformation is always tragic, because someone always perishes in the end.

Vampires drink blood to survive, but it doesn't need to be human blood. They can survive with other animal's blood, but human blood is a completely different treat.

Jaehyun has an abnormal strenght, and over developed senses

He has basic telepathic and telekinetic abilities, which gives him great manipulation skills

He has the ability of quickly healing physical wounds

A few things are able to end his life though: fire, drowning, decapitation

– Report: Incident number 1

°°°

[year: 1821]

– "Jaehyun, do you really have to go?", you ask your husband for the 100th time at the doorstep of your house, firmly holding his hands, barely able to see him with your eyes blurred by tears.

– "Y/N, I do. I'm their leader. I need to fight. I need to protect everyone. And most importantly, I need to protect you. Don't worry, my love, I'll be back. I promise..." , Jaehyun responds you with a suplicant tone, his voice sounding deeper than usual, as he tries to hide the shakiness on it.

After a last passionate kiss, a last squeeze of hands, and a last long glance holding the desire of the two of you to freeze time, Jaehyun goes through the door without looking back. He has to admit he is afraid he may not live up to his promise. Vampires are scary beings. Powerful, almost untouchable. It's incredible how humans stand in this war against these creatures so far. Fortunately, some powerful vampires still side mankind, hoping the unlikely coexistence.

Taking a deep breath, Jaehyun jumps into the colourless truck that is going to take him and dozens of other soulless men to the battlefield.

...

[6 months later]

– "CHEERS TO JAEHYUN!!!!!!!"

– "CHEERS!!!!!!!"

– "Guys, guys!! Calm down!!! Hahahaha"

Jaehyun is being carried by dozens of euforic men, acclaimimg their leader for his bravery and determination to get every single one of his mates back to their families. The war is over. The last vampires retreated and, finally, peaceful days can be seen in the horizon. Tears are being shared, parties are being planned, but in the middle of all the deafening happiness, Jaehyun's only desire is to sink into your warm hugs again.

...

Turning around the last corner to reach his home, his heart racing madly, Jaehyun meets your comforting figure, that waited for him every single day at the door since he left, and that now is running to him with arms open. The vision of you completely blinds Jaehyun. He missed you so much. He can't wait to feel you again. But it blinds him so badly that he can't see the bloodthirst creature hidden in a dark alley, ready to jump on him. Still with his eyes glued on you, he watches your smiley face abruptly squirming into pure horror. He was given not even half of a second to process that scene, as he suddenly feels a piercing pain in his jugular, followed by his entire body landing on the ground, then a light breeze brushing his now even paler skin, as the treacherous vampire vanishes from the scene, releasing, with his gutural voice, an almost incomprehensible yet still powerful word: "Revenge".

Jaehyun’s senses are all messed up and his body convulses violently. But even imersed in chaos, his brain tries hard to not lose itself completely, as it percieves you getting closer and closer.

– "DON'T COME!!!" - he desperately yells, in his last effort to maintain his sanity.

But it's too late.

His concious falls apart completely. Everything gets red. Everything is too much, everything is overwhelming. He can clearly hear a rythmic heartbeat, that is not his own, resonating inside of his skull. He can clearly see the tempting purple path under a layer of skin, shining in high saturation in a waving hypnotizing motion. He can clearly feel his teeth landing on a soft surface and sinking deep into it. He can clearly taste the metalic flavor of blood spreading through his tongue. And after all of that, he can clearly smell your floral perfume, he can clearly feel hot heavy tears running down his cheeks, as he realizes what he has done.

Slowly getting his mind back as the sharp fangs retracts to the normal sized canines he is used to, Jaehyun is left in agony, all his face muscles contracted into profound sadness, looking at your fragile figure in his arms.

–"No no no no NOOO!!!! PLEASE NO!! Y/N, TALK TO ME!! Talk to me...please.....", he implores you, swinging his body back and forth, trying to keep you awake.

–"Jae.... It's ok.... It's o..k.... You... Are back... I'm so happy..." - you murmur, lifting your hand to wipe the cheeks of your beloved one.

You know how this works. You know that Jaehyun has become a vampire, and you know he won't die. You know he is safe. With that thought in mind, you smile relieved. You let your eyelids fall along with your hand, and, spending all of your remaining energy, you force your lips to move one last time : – "I love you...".

....

Standing in front of your grave, depositing your favorite flowers on the shining black marble, Jaehyun mentalizes his sorrowfull wishes over and over again, hoping they reach you:

– "I promise, Y/N, I promise you... I'll find you in whenever life you live, I promise I'll go back to you. I promise."

...

[Year: 2021]

–"OmG, I'll be late!! No no noo!!!! Stupid alarm!!" - you yell at the air, tripping on your cozy blankets, from your bed to your way to the ground.

A job like that would never fall on your lap again, for sure. You were a just graduated college student, visibly lost in the adult world, looking for a job so you can survive. You still can't believe that such a big company sent you this unexpected invite, willing to hire you. "I'm not mad, though.", you cheerfully think, while quickly spraying some perfum on the birthmark you have on your neck.

Shoving a piece of dry toast into your mouth while putting on your shoes, you rush to your first day at your new job.

....

You made it in time. Waiting for having a word with your new boss, you briefly look at yourself on the hand mirror you always take with you, fixing your messy hair and straightening your black blazer. Distracted in your own little world, you jump in surprise when an elegant man silently steps in the room, stands by your side without you noticing, and announces, with a resonant voice right into your ear:

– "Boss is ready to see you"

Having a look at the name tag hanging over the man's chest, you thank him:

–"Ohh, thank you.. hmm.. mr. Jeno! And I'm pleased to meet you!"

Jeno gives you a discreet smile, guiding you to a enormous poor iluminated room, in which a gorgeous and imponent figure stands behind an impressive desk. Your pupils take a few seconds to adjust to the weak lighting, but as soon as you exchange stares with that mysterious man, a weird wave of excitement runs throughout your whole body, like your blood is bubbling inside of your veins. You've never felt like this before, and it intensifies when you finally hear a deep, smooth, and weirdly familiar voice coming out of his mouth:

– Report: Incident number two

–"Hello, Y/N. Nice to meet you. You can call me Jaehyun".

–––

It has been five years you're working at Jaehyun's company. And it has been three years you stand beside him not only as his employee, but also as his lover.

Jaehyun is a fascinating man. But there's something very odd about him. You don't know if it's the way he seems to be able to go deep into your mind. If its the way he has the knowledge of an ancient person. If it's the way everything he does feels nostalgic. If it's the way he looks at you and you can see, along with a sincere love, deep sadness and sorrowfullness emanating from his eyes. If it's the way you are sure you knew him already even before your first encounter. If it's the way you feel like you've been waiting for him your whole life. –" Oh well, maybe there's something very odd about me as well." , you think in a dreamy state while watching Jaehyun sleeping peacefully beside you.

...

You are at Jaehyun's house, distractedly walking around and running your fingers through the fancy furniture, waiting for him so you can have the homemade dinner he's been promising you for weeks now. He finally found an empty spot in his busy schedule, and it has been good thirty minutes since Jeno let you know he and your boyfriend were at the supermarket, picking some ingredients. "Jaehyun must be so lost right now", you chuckle to yourself, wondering what weird things he would buy. But with the chuckle, you feel a light discomfort in your chest. You have a weak heart condititon since birth, so you're used to this sensation. "Ahh, not today! Today I have to be 100% good!" , you scold yourself, hoping the annoying feeling ceases soon.

But it's not. The light discomfort turns into a light pain. The light pain turns into a fierce pain. The fierce pain turns into and unbearable pain. Imersed in your suffering, you automatically massage your heart area and sustain your body stood by grabbing the nearest thing you can reach. And, before you lose your senses entirely, you can feel this thing moving, holding you tightly and carefully, and calling your name with that deep voice you loved so much : – " Y/N!!!!!!!!"

....

Staring at your motionless body on his arms, the dejavu Jeahyun is having is breaking him apart. After dozens of peaceful lives with you, he was not expecting losing you like this once more. Gradually and certainly, he is following your heartbeat on its crescent silence. He doesn't want to feel this pain again. If it's selfish, if it's benevolent, it's tricky – and even unfair – to judge the only thought that goes through Jaehyun's mind right now. With a decided and firm tone, he instructs Jeno:

– "Jeno, look after her, please. That's my last order to you."

With an almost imperceptible widening of eyes, seeing how his master determination even made his quivering less severe, Jeno answers him, trying to transmit in his voice the confidence and reliability he knows Jaehyun needs to feel.

– "Yes master, I understand. I will."

This phrase brings a peaceful expression to Jaehyun's face. Focusing completely on you, Jaehyun's fangs sharpen and he plants them into the flesh of your neck. You imediatelly wake up, as a wave of electricity runs through your body and excites every cell of it. You don't know what is happening, everything is so confusing with your blurred red vision. But you know you're thirsty. Your throat feels dry, and it claims something that is not water. You sense someone's body pressing itself on yours and, instinctively, you deep your teeth into the warmness, finding yourself satiating your needs with some unknown viscous liquid.

And a movie starts to play before your eyes. A movie staring you and Jaehyun. A movie showing all of your lives together. A wedding at a beach you've never been before. Jaehyun holding an unfamiliar happy dog you didn't know you missed so badly. You and him wearing antique clothes you've never owned, discussing about what to cook for dinner while watching the sunset. His crying face painted with red blots, his body swinging back and forth holding you in his arms, trying to keep you awake.

Drowning in an ocean of memories, you frantically attempt to resurface back to your present reality. Slowly pulling your teeth out of Jaehyun's neck, you gently wrap your arms around his cold body and sink your forehead onto his shoulders.

– "Jae... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry...."

– "It's.... ok, Y/N, it's ok.... I'm the one who is sorry"

– "No! It must have been so difficult for you... All these years, all this waiting... I'm so sorry... And... thank you so much."

– "I know... You... Would do the same... For me."

At this point, you are not trying to hold your tears anymore. At this point, Jaehyun's life is already hanging by a thin thread. Showing his dimples to you, his last words come faint, but still carry heavily the pure meaning of them:

– "I love you."

[Year: 2058]

– "Master, the apartment was rented successfully.", the serious and steady man says coming out of nowhere, getting by surprise your anxious and wondering mind.

– "OMG, Jeno! Are you a vampire or a ghost, please!! But ok, thank you a lot. Let's prepare everything then." , you respond, barely hiding your excitement.

Packing your things in an untidy chaotic way, you suddenly stop your actions. Hesitantly and avoiding eye contact, you ask Jeno something that has been bothering you for years now:

–" ....Hmm...Jeno.... Do you.... Do you think he will still like me?"

Even though he was caught off guard by your question, Jeno promptly replies:

– "I have no doubt about it, master. Thousand of years could pass, his love for you would remain the very same. I've witnessed it, trust me."

You bite your bottom lip, trying to conceal the wide smile forming on your red crying face.

....

*Knock Knock*

Lying on the couch of his living room, Jaehyun lazily raises only his head, wondering who could be knocking on his door. He definetely is not willing to stop watching his drama to answer the unknown visitor.

*Knock knock*

Finally accepting that staring at the door would not make something magically happen, he decides to get up and open it. However, he was not expecting that such a trivial thing would be so life changing.

– " Hi, I'm your new neighbor! My name is Y/N, nice to meet you!", you nervously say, extending your already sweat hand to the admired boy in front of you.

Jaehyun is astonished. He thought he had his whole life figured out. But, all of sudden, only now he can say that everything makes sense, that everything is where they should be. Only now he truly feels alive. Like a breath of fresh air, like he is living in a completely new world, he grabs your hand firmly, afraid you could vanish, and asks you in disbelief:

–" Do I know you from somewhere?"

–" Maybe...", you answer, with a mischievous yet tender expression painted on your face.

Jaehyun smiles at you softly, feeling the comfort and the sense of familiarity that only centuries of linked lives could bring him.

•° taglist - @soleilsuhh @dionysus-wine @cupidluvstarrz @kpopsnowball @kaepopsicle @purplepsycho03 @najatheangel @dundun-baby @haifengg @intokook @emuava @reallylikethevibeshere @cafemochi

* If you want to be added to or removed from the taglist, just send me an ask or a message (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

•° Main masterlist

...

#nct 127 #nct #jaehyun #nct jaehyun #nct reactions #nct scenarios #nct one shots #nct angst #nct fluff #nct imagines #nct 127 reactions #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 scenarios #supernatural #vampire #nct fanfic #nct 127 fanfic #jaehyun fanfic

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ddarker-dreams · 4 years ago

Text

New Oath. Yan Dabi x Reader [COMM]

warnings: isolation, food mention, unhealthy relationships, implied not sfw, not sfw dialogue and beginning of stockholm syndrome. word count: 3k.

It feels easier to live a life without regrets.

To know that every opportunity that presents itself had been taken, is a justification that you maintain to keep your sanity intact. This life that you’ve been forced to live -- one that has clipped your wings -- denying all forms of freedom. Every aspect of the day revolves around survival, nothing else. You’ve tried different methods of overcoming with varying results. The most prominent being escape, or working towards one.

No person was meant to be secluded in an environment like this. Not even taking into account that lack of socialization that’d be enough to drive anyone mad, but the one person you get to speak to is a pain in his own right. Speaking to a brick wall is more inviting a concept than holding a conversation with Dabi. At least a brick wall remains quiet, not trying to provoke you for a reaction. You don’t know how much longer you can maintain your cool around him.

Looking from the decaying state of the ceiling to the walls around you, which are in even worse condition. This apartment building is definitely violating some building codes. Cheap paint peels off the wall from the slightest humidity, the ceiling fan creaks with every pained turn, and the lone light bulb in the room has been prone to flicker. While you aren’t sure what Dabi’s salary might be, you infer it must be enough to live in a place better than this. A semi abandoned apartment complex with dogs barking at unholy hours of the morning, and sirens going off just as often. If you were to guess on why he chose such a seedy residence, it’s because of the advantages it brings. Any screams for help will go ignored here, as they’re commonplace.

You’ve had lots of time to reflect. It feels like the world is against you, nothing ever going according to plan. The hours spent revising and considering every variable were for naught in the end. It felt like for each step forward, Dabi would be another two paces ahead. You had considered the fire escape, only to find the bars singed. The windows were a no go, having been fastened so tightly a tool set is necessary to undo the screws. He thought of everything when he decided to hold you captive. This might be enough to drive anyone to the brinks of despair, but not you. You continue preparing, looking for an opening, and acting accordingly.

You don’t want to lose to someone like him.

Dabi is human, and humans are fallible. One day, in the near future, he might make a mistake. Forget to lock one of the many latches on the door, or ignore a hole in the wall that could soon crumble to sweet freedom. You tell yourself this, not sure if you even fully believe it anymore. You long to have that hope. The hope that this nightmare may yet come to a favorable ending, that you could pry your life back from his vice like grip. Even if it meant breaking your own moral code, resorting to the lowest of tactics… what he had done to you is far worse. This is the drive that drove you to strategize for weeks on end.

Just to fail, like all the times before.

Your lift your arms, grimacing at the sensation of cold metal around your wrists. The punishment for your latest transgressions against Dabi. Everything had been going so well -- too well, now that you’ve had time to think on it -- only to blow up on your face. Weeks of batting your eyelashes at him, playing the role of a perfect, enamored partner went down the drain in a flash. You click your tongue, recalling with disdain how smug he had looked. That’s what got to you the most. Getting underneath your skin and festering with all your other negative feelings for him.

He knew what you were planning, for god knows how long, and just wanted to see how much you could pull off. Treating it like a mere game. Dabi let you taste coveted freedom, observing from the shadows with intrigue. When your feet had hit the ground, everything felt right with the world once again. You had been held prisoner to the four walls of Dabi’s apartment for what must’ve been months, each day more miserable than the last. You remember the fresh air that swelled into your lungs. The rush of adrenaline that had every nerve on high alert. How your eyes had stung, and threatened to spill over with tears of joy. Nothing could compare to the high from that moment.

It wasn’t a lovely area. At the time, you had still been situated in an alleyway; surrounded by animal carcasses and unsavory items. None of that had mattered at the time. All that mattered is that you could run, far away from his condescending words and threatening presence. You could finally run back to the life that was stolen from you. A supposed light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing in life is that easy, you think in the present. Nothing that involves Dabi is that easy.

There had been a feeling in you gut that eyes were following your every movement. A premonition that came true, and horror in the flesh made his appearance. He had clapped, and expressed how impressed he was with your valiant plan. Dabi cooed at how adorable the sight was, that he had watched you scramble to get everything done in secret. He complimented you on the tact necessary to pull it off. Then his demeanor changed, to something far too sinister to be human. Maybe it was betrayal, or offense at the audacity displayed in going behind his back. Whatever it was that clouded his eyes, you pray you never have to see it again.

Which leads you to the present.

What you wouldn’t give for some pain killers, even over the counter would do. Anything to dull this pain in your back from sleeping on a spring mattress for days on end. Even this was a luxury that you had to earn through demeaning acts. When Dabi first threw you in this grimy room, the concrete floor was all that you had to sleep on. Through some coquettish speech and unbuckling of pants, you had earned this mattress on which you currently sits. You never thought you’d be missing the dingy, shared bedroom with Dabi until it was taken from you and replaced with something worse. There’s no way of knowing for certain how much longer this punishment will last. From the lack of windows in this room, you can’t even know the time that has passed since the punishment began. It can’t be more than a few days, you thinks. How much longer will you be held here…?

Eyelashes flutter shut, figuring that sleep is a solid way to pass the time. There’s nothing to do until Dabi decides to make an appearance. Gauging from how hungry you’re feeling, it’s been around five or six hours since he last showed up, bringing food with him. Your attempt at sleep is interrupted at the distinct sound of footsteps approaching. So your guess was on the mark. You listens carefully, no detail to be overlooked. There’s a click from unlocking. Then four more after it. So he’s placed that many locks on the door? Seeing as you’re not even able to move an inch with these restraints, you find the precautions excessive. Not even a master escape artist could get out of this. It’s nice to know he thinks you so resourceful.

Faint light shines in your room as the door screeches open, revealing your captor. In his scarred hands is a bag of takeout. He offers a nod of the head in acknowledgement to you, shutting the door behind him. It’s impossible for you to ignore the quickening of your pulse in his presence. You collect yourself to the best of your ability, face remaining composed. Will he make another lascivious offer in exchange for more comforts? The fear of the unknown is like a shadow in the night, creeping over and devouring you. There’s no telling what Dabi might do or say. It’s a constant guessing game. You square your shoulders, making a point of looking Dabi in the eye. Maintaining eye contact is a sign of strength.

“What? No thank you for your knight in shining armor?” Dabi inquires, tilting his head. His voice holds a playful lilt that almost makes you roll your eyes. He’s enjoying every second of this.

“That’s not the role I’d associate with you.” You respond with a dismissive shrug. The two of you always banter like this, seeing who will crack first under the immense pressure. You have found yourself getting used to these encounters. At first, you didn’t find it wise to possibly earn the wrath of your captor with snark, but those feelings have since changed. Now that you’re more familiar with Dabi, the words flow from your tongue with ease. He never makes a point of stopping the behavior. There’s a tension in the air whenever you’re in a room together, that Dabi always instigates. You’re only returning his own energy.

“I was thinking,” he starts with a sharp inhale, taking a seat in front of you on the ground. “You seemed so willing to do what I asked last time. Why not always keep that attitude up, sugar?”

You raise an eyebrow at the implication of his words. “That depends on you. What’s in it for me?”

“Oh, I dunno. Maybe getting out of this shithole? Not that you seemed to like my other place much better,” he motions to the derelict room around you to emphasize his point. “Still beats this dump. How ‘bout it?”

It’s like you predicted. After Dabi got a better taste of you, he can’t help but want to come back for more. You can’t deny the thrill that comes with hooking up with him. There’s a semblance of control, knowing that you can hold something over him. He could theoretically take whatever he desires, yet prefers you give yourself to him willingly, for whatever convoluted reason. It’s difficult to deny the satisfaction from your previous rendezvous. One of the first things Dabi explained to you was that life would be so much easier for the both of you with your compliance. Resentment and pride were roadblocks to this initially. Now you’ve grown weary of all the games and hiding. The sparks of resistance have been methodically snuffed out, and all you want now is a little solace.

Your reply comes as a surprisingly fast response to you both. “Sounds like a deal. After I eat though.”

Dabi wasn’t expecting you to be this easy, not after the stunts you’ve pulled. His eyes search, scrutinizing your schooled expression for something hidden beneath the surface. You’re met with distrust, despite him being the one who made the suggestion in the first place. Having sex on an empty stomach doesn’t sound like the best idea. If that’s what it takes to get out of this room, then you’ll do it. You’ve been waiting for the offer. It doesn’t make you as sick to your stomach as you thought it would, knowing the prize that’ll await after it’s all said and done. Life is a game of adapting, and you’re playing by those rules. The rules that Dabi himself established.

You break the silence yourself, hunger making you impatient. “You did offer me this food, right?”

“You’re a sharp one, princess. I picked it out for you myself. Hope you like Chinese.”

He reaches into the bag, shuffling around for the takeout containers. The scent of fried noodles, rice, and chicken fills the air, which piques your attention. It’s by all means a simple meal, and you couldn’t be happier. When you’re as hungry as you are, it might as well be a gourmet buffet. Dabi himself admitted to not being the best chef, so most of your meals have consisted of this quality. Or, on the occasion, he’d let you cook. Partaking in one of your hobbies is a nice distraction that he makes you work for. He’s always such a pain in the ass...

Dabi fiddles with the key ring in his pocket. Looking you in the eye, he gives a sly smile. “You wouldn’t do anything stupid, would you?”

You look down at your restraints, a result of doing just that. “Me? I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Mm. Let’s hope so. Would hate for you to make me think up yet another punishment.”

You don’t want to give him the fearful reaction he’s longing for, opting on maintaining your current visage. Lips pursing together, eyes indifferent, and nose upturned to him. Dabi works through the various locks, the shackles falling to the ground as he unlocks each one. He suddenly takes on a more apathetic air. You know better than to take this at a surface level, feeling him observing your every movement. Anything that could be mistaken as a sign of resistance. You decide to act as natural as possible, to mitigate the suspicion. Really, what does he think you’re going to do? Stab him with the plastic fork this meal comes with? A few months ago, you may have given that a shot, but things feel different now. All you’re interested in is regaining your strength. The first step to that is getting rid of this gnawing hunger.

There are indents in your wrist from where the shackles were. You stretch the sore muscles, and proceed to go for the food.

“Thanks for the food.” You offers a closed mouth smile, using your now freed hands to open up the boxes. You waste no time indulging in the meal. The grin that you’ve grown accustomed to seeing on Dabi’s face is no longer in sight, replaced by thinly veiled distrust. This conversation is oddly normal. A stark contrast to the extreme circumstance, at least enough to perturb him. What makes him on edge or not is none of your concern. You’re complying, as he’s demanded numerous times. Shouldn’t he be over the moon, if anything? To finally get what he wanted, after months of poking and prodding, a subservient version of yourself. Dabi’s the one who molded you into this shape of his own design.

He props up his chin on his knee, watching you devour the meal. “I wasn’t expecting this room to be what did ya in.”

You swallow a bite of orange chicken, wiping at your mouth with the back of your hand. You don’t want to entertain Dabi in conversation right now. It takes too much brainpower to keep up with him, Dabi always trying to get you to trip over your words. Ignoring him isn’t one of the cards at your disposal, so you give what you hope to be a satisfactory response.

“If it’s of any comfort, it wasn’t just the room.”

Dabi hums, keen on gaining more information. “Would you be so sweet as to fill me in?”

“It’s nothing that interesting. I had lots of time to think, or reflect to be more exact. You said it best. What was it again… something among the lines of, the day I decide to be a ‘good girl’, life will be easier,” you reach for a box of rice next, Dabi handing it to you when it’s too far away. “So, this is me doing that. A novel idea, I know.”

He can’t help but agree with the statement. “You said it best.”

Dabi’s budding curiosity must’ve been sated by your word, as he now lets you eat in relative peace. The gears in both your minds are turning. Trying to predict what the other may or may not do. It’s a tedious dance, you having a lot more to lose than him. This is what makes it an uneven match up, Dabi capable of exercising far more power over you, even without putting it on display. You’ve seen enough little details to be wary of him. How the news stories in the morning speak of victims burnt to ash, the occasional spots of blood on his jackets, and suspicious material from his shoes. Whenever you’ve worked up the courage to inquire on the origins of it, he’d offer an unsettling smile and ask if you really want to know.

Ignorance is bliss. Months of isolation, suffering, and cruelty have left you in a state of latching onto any consolation available. It’s a bittersweet idea that your tormentor is what doubles as an essential distraction. When you’re in a heated embrace with him, bodies sweaty and head in disarray, the rest of the world melts away. As if it never existed in the first place. You can forget about your own loneliness, the tears that would normally stain your cheeks that time of night, and the burning resentment for the one on top. Every touch erases a pain, even if it’s for a moment. Giving into the desires of the flesh has never felt so good.

“Looks like you’re almost done, babe.” Dabi comments with a wolf-like grin. He crawls towards you, uncaring of the lousy conditions of the room. His hand grasps your cheek, massaging the skin, and moving down to your lips. The coarse pad of his thumb rubs circles into your bottom lip, looking down at you through lidded eyes. If you’re going to let him take what he wants, he couldn’t be happier. The possible ramifications will be considered later. For the time being, he wants to feel you underneath him, months of pent up lust finally gaining an outlet.

“You shouldn’t be the impatient one,” you can’t help but remark, shivering underneath his touch. “I’m the one who has been locked in a room for days.”

“You’ve got it all wrong. I've just missed you oh so dearly,” Dabi coos into your ear. His lips part to place open mouth kisses over your bare neck, hands starting to feel you up. “From how you’re responding, it looks like you’ve missed me too. How precious.”

“Keep dreaming, Dabi.”

“I don’t have to anymore, now that I can fuck you as much as I want.”

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wallwriterstuff · 4 years ago

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Our Dearest Moments ||Alec Volturi x Reader||

Warnings: None, this is nice and fluffy

Words: 2964

Summary: A request for @royalvolturisblog Forever is a long time to live, an occasionally a little reflection upon who we are and how we got here is needed to maintain our sanity, and decided some very important answers to equally as important questions.

Sometimes, life is not all we expect it to be. Sometimes, life is cruel. Sometimes, life is disappointing. For me? I can safely say it’s none of these things. My life had always been easy, the best of everything and wanting for nothing. As doting as he was, my father had spoilt me rotten and never let me work hard for anything, never given me life skills that most normal people would need to live a functioning, adult existence. Why would I need them? Money was not a problem for my family nor would it ever be, so why go to the hassle of building a life where a nine to five job sapped the life from me when I could, quite sustainably, simply enjoy my life to its fullest at my loving father’s expense? Why make your child work if there was no need? I would not settle for a subpar life as nothing in my life had ever been less than luxurious.

That was my life in a nutshell. It was flat screen TVs in a ginormous bedroom which would have fit some people’s houses inside it, four poster beds and every new games console, every makeup palette fresh off the manufacturers line and vacations to the most remote and lavish corners of the Earth. I never even had to ask for some of it, my father simply expected I would want things and provided them without request – as those of guilt soul are wont to do.

“Well? What do you say?” Alec asked, his lips pressing the gentlest of kisses against my shoulder. I hummed, leaning back against him.

“Forgive me, I was hardly listening to a word you said, my mind is…elsewhere.” I admitted. Alec squeezed my hips, arms widening around my waist to tighten his hold on me.

“You’re ignoring me now? How very rude. I thought we were passed this.” He chided, though his tone was more playful than scolding.

“Call it introspection.” I sighed. Alec chuckled.

“Introspection? Now that sounds dangerous. I happen to like you as you are, if you haven’t noticed.” He teased, pressing a kiss to my temple. I turned in his arms with a smile. He stood a little taller than I did but I didn’t mind; it always gave me the best angle of the soft curve of his jawline, the fullness of his lips that didn’t like to stray from my own for too long. It also gave me the perfect excuse to nestle my head against his collarbone, escape those all seeing crimson eyes of his. Alec had seen right through me from the very start.

“I happen to know, you inform me every day…you sap.” I smiled a little as he lifted a hand to play with my hair.

“Then why decide to be introspective? What is there to reflect on? What would you wish to change?” he questioned.

“I already have changed,” I pointed out, lifting my hand to play with his coven crest, “I actually work for a living now.” Alec actually laughed at that, pulling back to feign shock.

“You? Spoilt? I would never have guessed.” he teased. He wasn’t wrong. Even now my room was lavish, silks and fine fabrics and luxuries filling every corner, but at least this time I had worked for it. Being a part of the Volturi was a privilege in itself but it required hard work, it required proving your worth and working for the greater good of your species. It was rather odd, how I had turned my entire life philosophy around in the span of a few centuries. Maybe it was Alec, making me humbler and wiser. Perhaps I owed some of it to Vladimir and Stefan, who had taught me to fight for what I wanted rather than throw money at it. I could still remember that fateful day, though faces and names were murky now in my ‘old age’.

Samuel and Scott were two boys I had craved the presence of a lot in my human days, though I couldn’t honestly tell you why anymore. Perhaps it was the familiarity of money, or the comfort that came from knowing someone of your status and experience walked alongside you and understood your world view, but they were the closest friends I had for a long time. What was better than going on vacation with your friends at the closing of exam season? Rome had been beautiful, the sights enamouring and the food…I suppose it was okay – my tastebuds had changed since then. I could still vividly recall the kind of heat I wasn’t accustomed to back home, and the dazzling brightness of the sunlight that spotted my vision and made my ever blurry human memories seem even worse quality somehow. I also remembered laughter, and warmth, the kind of warmth that flooded your soul and felt like a good hug on the worst of days. It was strange, the things that stayed with you.

Then there was too much warmth. The process to immortalise one’s body came at the cost of burning the eternal soul till only a shell was left behind, petrified and cold. That was how Stefan put it at least in his usual, grim way. The memories of my time with them had most certainly been the most vivid, since I was very much a vampire by then and I could remember every little glance, every change in the tone of their voice. Those days….those days were full of anger. My doting father taken from me, my best friends none the wiser as to where I had gone and yet never once pleading on the news for my safe return as most others did for their loved ones. Through time and trial and error, Vladimir and Stefan had shown me that I had actually lost nothing in this life, only gained. I was stronger, swifter, better than any human version of myself could ever be.

Then came the gift.

It had been purely accidental at first. Another boy taken in by Stefan only to be turned (in what I would later find out was an attempt at raising a small army) was similarly gifted. He had the quite remarkable ability to make anything he touched smaller or larger, depending on what he wished it to look like, and unintentionally I had taken his gift to use for myself. He hadn’t stayed much longer after that, Vladimir and Stefan reluctant to let him part but allowing it – only because they knew the Volturi would send the Guard after an unruly newborn causing havoc. Why should they need him when they had me? They had been the ones to train my gift, an enhanced trait from my human life they had said – as I had taken what I wanted then I could do so now with startling efficiency. By the time Alec had arrived I had not truly gotten it under control, hence my confrontation with Jane.

It turns out the unruly newborn had been smarter than we thought, and the Masters’ had dispensed the Guard to see about this gifted vampire the Romanian’s had collected. At this point it had been months since we’d even seen the boy, years since Vladimir and Stefan had stolen me from Rome’s streets on one of their daring missions taking them close to Volturi territory. My gift had made me indispensable to them, though I like to believe that on some level they cared for me as a person, given all the gifts and birthday celebrations they had indulged in for me. There had been trips and movie nights all at my request, and affectionate gestures such as hugs and chaste kisses to my forehead that had lulled me into the false sense of security that I was where I ought to be.

“Your mind keeps wondering. I happen to be trying to ask you a very important question.” Alec was sounding a tad frustrated with me now and my eyebrows furrowed.

“I’m sorry, really, I just…do you ever have one of those days where you feel like you can’t escape thinking about the past? Thinking about the things that led you to this moment?” I sighed. It was perhaps a tad dramatic, perhaps even silly of me to be this distracted by such errant thoughts, but they wouldn’t leave me be. Alec stared at me for a long moment, and then he tucked a lock of stray hair behind my ear and swept me off of my feet to seat us on the sofa before our fireplace. Draped across his lap as I was, he had made me his sole focus and gave me his undivided attention now.

“I can’t say I do, so explain it to me. What are you thinking of in particular?” he questioned. My head tilted slightly, the briefest of smiles tugging at my lips.

“Demetri fixing up his nose the day we met.” I giggled. Alec snorted, eyes rolling.

“Vladimir did hit him rather hard.” He agreed. The commotion hadn’t much bothered me, my head buried too deep in my book to really be bothered by such trivial things, but then he had screamed. It was a blood-curdling kind of scream, the sort you heard in slasher movies when the victim is disposed of. It was the first time I had seen Jane’s gift in action, and the only time since I had stolen it. I had only meant to shove the menacing little blonde away from the man I had grown to see as a second father, only to accidentally set her own gift on her. She had crumpled like a straw doll, screaming all the while, and anyone else who came at me went down the same way.

Felix, Demetri and Jane just writhed on the stone floor while I tried and failed to keep Alec at bay, the mate bond I had unknowingly just set with him the moment we locked eyes preventing me from hurting him and vice versa. His mist had danced at the edges of my feet as he gave me more warnings than I was sure was customary of a Guard with his reputation until I managed to calm the raging inferno in my own mind, and douse the flames in theirs.

“Then you misted me.” I recalled, scowling at him slightly. Alec looked amused.

“You were getting rather violent,” he pointed out, “I’d merely suggested an even trade, their lives for you accompanying us to Volterra, and poor Demetri lost his nose a second time that day.” I could still recall the crunch of his skin beneath my knuckles as I vowed to never let them take me anywhere, and now two centuries on I couldn’t bear the thought of being anywhere other than in Alec’s lap. His hand skimmed my arm as I dropped my head on his shoulder.

“You think he would forgive me for that by now.” I said. Alec chuckled and kissed my forehead.

“Not in a million years, his ego is more fragile than his nose.” He murmured against my skin. I hadn’t been happy for a very long time after that. Dragged away from my home against my will and told it was all for a mate bond I hadn’t been ready to accept. I was cruel, very cruel, and I called Alec all sorts of filthy names. Neither him nor Jane had ever really done me wrong, yet still I rarely addressed them as anything other than ‘witch’ or ‘terrors 1 and 2’. I spent the majority of my days avoiding as many people as I could really, though I found Marcus to be quite calming and consequently ended up with the Masters’ more often than not. It was with their encouragement I ended up confronting my two-arch nemesis, their gentle prodding that had led me into Alec’s arms in the end.

“God I’m sure your mother would weep if she could see you now!”

“She did! She wept and pleaded with the villagers tying us to the stake until they caved her head in with stones. How about yours?”

I cringed slightly, the memory as fresh as if it had been just yesterday. Jane had looked ready to roast me that day, while Alec had cut me down to size with his words. Their mother’s fate, their deaths, they were nothing such of tragic incidents that should never have occurred, not to these two. It had triggered a memory I had thought had faded as most other human memories had, though I could see no eyes in the soft, familiar features of my mother’s face given I couldn’t remember the colour of them. She had been reaching for me in my dreams for years, that single bloodied hand protruding from the wreckage of a car only I had escaped from haunted me to this day. How far I had strayed from the woman she would have wanted me to become.

“How could you forgive me?” I asked finally. Alec raised his eyebrows.

“For punching Demetri in the face? Quite easily. I found it entertaining.” He answered.

“Not for that! For…everything else. I was nothing short of difficult and downright cruel to you.” I reminded him. Alec tilted his head, quietly making a noise of understanding. It wasn’t so long ago Alec had asked me to marry him, at least, five years didn’t seem all that long for a vampire. He shifted till I was facing him, straddling his lap and chest to chest with our noses almost touching.

“I forgave you because I loved you, even then. I didn’t see cruelty, I saw hurt that never truly healed. Our scarred hearts were made for one another, even if you weren’t ready to accept it.” He murmured.

“But all those awful names I called you…” I sighed, closing my eyes as shame ate away at my insides. Alec chuckled.

“Some were quite inventive, I’ll give you that,” he said wryly, “Y/N…you replaced every bad memory with a good one. The time you gifted me that bookmark because you knew how much I loved to read? The memory of our first walk in the Garden’s together where you taught me all about gardening and when the best time of year to plant certain flowers was. Our first kiss, the first time you held my hand even. You made the effort to make it right.” He kissed my nose sweetly before capturing my lips with his. His every kiss had been intoxicating since our very first one, the sweet taste of his mouth on mine addictive, the way his lips moved a hypnotic dance I could forever get lost in performing with him over and over. When we parted I pressed my forehead to his.

“I do love you, you know.” I swore. Alec flashed me a smile.

“I know, you impossible little brat,” he teased, tugging my hair lightly, “Now will you please listen to what I’ve been so desperately trying to ask you all day now?” My eyes rolled, but I nodded.

“Make it worth my while, baby.” I teased.

“Don’t, you know I hate when you call me that,” he warned, though his lips twitched upwards, “Y/N, my impossibly stubborn, talented little beauty. I’ve never been in doubt you love me, and I hope I’ve never given you reason to doubt that I love you just as much. You challenge and enrage me daily, yet you are also my greatest comfort and strength when I need you to be. So stop being so bloody awkward and marry me already!”

“That wasn’t a question.” I pointed out, eyebrows raising. Alec groaned exasperatedly, his head falling back against the back of the sofa. My head tilted slightly.

If my day of reflection had done anything, it was show me how far I had come. I was no longer the same spoiled little girl I had once been. I had become a protector of our kind, and my journey with Alec had humbled my tongue. I was perhaps wiser, far kinder. I had not felt worthy of the mantle before but seeing him beneath me now, my love so ardent in his affection and persistent in his showing of it, I realised I had no need to be afraid – I had proven my worth to Alec tenfold. Gripping his chin, I forced him to look at me. He looked rather frustrated.

“This is the modern era Alec,” I scolded, “I will never say yes to your proposal.”

“But-“

“Because you are going to be saying yes to mine. Marry me, Alec.” I didn’t ask, more stated it. I knew he wouldn’t say no. With another exasperated groan he shook his head.

“You do make me work for it don’t you? So long as I slip a ring on your finger I really don’t care who asks who. Fine, I’ll marry you.” He leaned in but I pressed a single finger to his lips, preventing him from kissing me. His eyebrows arched into his hairline, almost as if to say ‘what now?’.

“It’ll be a Winter wedding.” I decided. A brief smile flashed his lips upwards.

“Spring.” He retorted.

“And the bridesmaids will wear emerald green.” I continued.

“Peach.” He countered, his smile growing as I pulled my finger from his lips.

“Oh and I want diamonds Alec, they’re a girls best friend.” I grinned, our noses brushing now.

“You’ll get a cereal box ring and be happy with it for all the waiting you’ve made me do.” He huffed. I didn’t get to protest, not when he smothered my mouth with his own, both of us laughing as we let the past be and looked forward to our future instead.

#twilight #twilight fanfiction #volturi #alec volturi #x reader #alec volturi x reader #vladimir #stefan #the romanians #dracula 1 and 2

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theewildflowers · 4 years ago

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dramione fanfic recs

I’ve fallen into the Dramione fanfiction hole lately due to a friend’s recent obsession with Dramione and Draco Malfoy tik tok, so I wanted share some favorite stories I’ve read, especially with those who are also new to the pairing. Many of the fics below are pretty popular within the fandom, but maybe there will be something new as well for those who come across this post.

I’ve included the rating and word count in parenthesis, and the fics are set in the magical universe unless otherwise noted. Please mind the tags when you click through—many fics may have triggers. Happy reading!

wait and hope by mightbewriting (M, 95k) “Harry,” Hermione began, voice very controlled, but she could feel the blade of panic slicing at her vocal cords. “Why was Draco Malfoy just screaming bloody murder about his,” and the word almost strangled her as she said it, “wife?” Harry's green eyes blew wide. Healer Lucas pinched the bridge of her nose, clearly displeased with the recent series of events. “He was referring to you, my dear,” she said. “That was the other question you got wrong. Your name is Hermione Jean Granger-Malfoy.”

Part of the Wait and Hope story universe. Draco’s POV, Beginning and End, is a WIP. (I’ve read and reread Wait and Hope multiple times in a few weeks span, so it’s safe to say that it’s my favorite Dramione story universe.)

the politician’s wife by Pir8fancier (M, 66k) This story is set twenty-three years after the fall of Voldemort. Our main characters are Ministry employees, middle-aged, and the majority of them not very happy. (This was the first Dramione fic I’ve ever read and is still one of my favorites)

the right thing to do by LovesBitca8 (E, 176k) Hermione felt the pounding in her ears again. She would see him for the first time since the Great Hall, gaunt and stricken at the Slytherin table with his mother clutching his arm. She hadn't meant to look for him. Not in the corridors, not beneath the white sheets of the fallen, not on the way to the Chamber of Secrets with Ron, but she was a stupid girl. Part of the Rights and Wrongs story universe (highly recommend Draco’s POV, All the Wrong Things, as well).

remain nameless by HeyJude19 (E, WIP) The monotony of Draco’s daily routine had become both a lifeline and a noose. But this new habit of grabbing coffee with Hermione Granger is quickly becoming a reason to get out of bed and is unfortunately forcing him to re-evaluate his inconsequential existence.

seeker fit by selinyu and etlithien (T, 2.6k) “Will the Head Girl grace the pitch with her presence for today’s match?” The timbre of Malfoy’s cool lilting drawl slid down Hermione’s spine. I recommend all the fics in the SenLithien Dramione Collaboration collection.

breath mints / battle scars by Onyx_and_Elm (E, 148k) For a moment, she's almost giddy. Because Draco Malfoy's been ruined by this war and he's as out of place as she is and — yes, he has scars too. He's got an even bigger one. She wonders whether one day they'll compare sizes.

apple pies and other amends by ToEatAPeach (M, 76k) It’s not until she’s brought a basil and strawberry sponge cake to Neville Longbottom and his new girlfriend, Hannah Abbott, a dozen rhubarb hand-pies to Luna and Xenophilius Lovegood, and another basket of ganache-covered muffins to Dean and Seamus, that Hermione admits to herself what she’s actually doing: she’s making a thing of this. It’s a veritable PTSD tour. With pastries. And hand-skimmed clotted cream. And she has no idea why she’s doing it, but it’s becoming very apparent that she is.

clean and marked by olivieblake (M, 118k and 178k) Malfoy's handsome face was contoured into a condescending smirk. "No faith in that giant brain of yours, Granger?" She looked up at him defiantly. "Maybe I don't have faith in you!" she said, raising her voice. Malfoy only looked at her. "You'll find I'm very surprising." Basically a sixth year retelling.

the best of me by MrsRen (E, 148k) Officially, Hermione Granger was killed in action during the Battle of Hogwarts. Unofficially, Draco Malfoy has never stopped searching for her. Years after the war during a mission in France, his salvation comes in the form of a little blond boy and a familiar half-Kneazle.

fortuitous by MrsRen (M, 93k) Recently divorced Draco doesn't believe in the ideology of having one true love. He certainly doesn't expect to meet his match in a Halloween themed coffee shop, but fate has a peculiar way of giving you just what you need.

bring him to his knees by Musyc (E, WIP) Draco is on the case of a murderer, but to investigate, he needs a fake relationship - and a kink club play partner. When Hermione volunteers to take the role, both do their best to maintain the lie without letting each other know the truth: neither of them are acting.

looking glass by kyonomiko (M, 99k) No one knows what happened to Draco Malfoy in the final battle, but, when his portrait shows up at Harry Potter's house, it's readily assumed he didn't make it. Hermione's perspective on the wizard starts to change as she learns more about who he really was. The more she knows, the more tragic his apparent demise seems to be.

isolation by bex-chan (E, 264k) He can't leave the room. Her room. And it's all the Order's fault. Confined to a small space with only the Mudblood for company, something's going to give. Maybe his sanity. Maybe not. "There," she spat. "Now your Blood's filthy too!"

thirty-five by raven_maiden (M, 2.3k) It's Draco Malfoy's birthday, and you'd think he'd have some say in the matters concerning his birthday. Then again, the will of four other Malfoys is hard to overcome. Part of Meet the Malfoys collection.

apples & cream by LovesBitca8 (E, 1.4k) She could have taken her things and gone through his Floo without a word. She could have ignored him on Monday morning, as though last night had been no more than a fever dream and too much Firewhisky. But she’d come back to bed.

universal truths by scullymurphy (E, 145k, pride & prejudice inspired AU) Hermione Granger is a woman of intelligence and spirit. Draco Malfoy is a man of wealth and privilege. When they meet again, a decade after the second great wizarding war—they are not impressed. But when circumstances throw them together, dislike turns to attraction, attraction turns to passion and passion may turn into something more... If they can stay out of their own way and let love take its course.

my brown-eyed girl by PacificRimbaud (M, 2k) "Give it up, Granger. We've had our N.E.W.T. results for a week. What can possibly have earned your continued academic devotion in the last four days of term?" Draco and Hermione have a lazy snuggle in the grass behind the Quidditch pitch.

bite marks by provactive_envy (E, 19.4k, muggle AU) Draco’s mouth falls open. He clutches his cookie and ignores the shower of crumbs littering his grey cashmere fingerless gloves. He can’t decide if he wants to fuck this girl or fight with her. Maybe both? Maybe at the same time?

thirteenth night by Nelpher (M, 78k) When Hermione is assigned to keep tabs on a memory-charmed Draco, she is faced with a decision that could change her life forever.

familiar faces, worn out places by LovesBitca8 (E, 7k) “You are at St. Mungo’s. You were in a coma.” He looks me over again, taking a pause. “I am a Healer here now,” he says, like it explains something. My fingers stretch, drifting across his sleeve. He looks down, like I’ve thrown mud at him. Forcing my vocal chords together for the first time, I whisper, “What’s your name?”

bone mortar by mightbewriting (M, 10k, muggle AU) Draco clenched his teeth, forcing sharp, shallow breaths through his nose as he ripped open the door to his usual lecture hall only to find— someone at his desk. Well, he supposed it was technically less his desk and more the desk as he didn’t actually own this particular classroom. But since he’d taught in it for the last four semesters in a row he at least felt like he’d earned common law ownership of some sort.

of mongolian fireflies and russian sharpclaws by barnettdidit (T, 37k) As colleagues for the F.A.U.C.E.T. (Fetching And Uncovering Creatures Experiencing Terror) department, Draco and Hermione have had their fair share of arguments. When they face their hardest case yet, mixed with an odd swarm of fireflies that glow in the colour according to how they feel about each other, Hermione is struggling to keep a straight mind.

a muggle-born magic by Musyc (M, 50k, regency era AU) Physician's daughter Hermione Granger finds herself in need of a way to pay off her father's debts after his death. Draco Malfoy, retired from the politics of the Isolationists, a group of pure-bloods bent on separating 'true' magic from lesser folk, finds himself in need of a tutor for his son, Scorpius, who appears to be incapable of magic and must learn to survive in a world without it. Draco also needs a wife and mother for Scorpius, to satisfy a promise to his unwell father. After she saves his son from an attack by Isolationists, Draco hires the Muggle-born Miss Granger for the former, and after a riot in Vauxhall Gardens and a scandalous discovery made by his mother, weds that selfsame Muggle-born for the latter. While making the best of her marriage of (in)convenience, Hermione discovers that Scorpius' history of wild imaginings and dreams is more than just imagination. As she attempts to teach him about magical abilities no one expected he would ever have, she and Draco work together to raise Scorpius and learn to trust each other.

aurelian by BittyBlueEyes (T, 255k) Two years after the war, a young stranger pays a visit to the burrow. His arrival alone is baffling, but the news he brings of an upcoming war turns the world upside down. Hermione's quiet, post-war life will never be the same.

malfoy shrugged by uselessenglishmajor (E, 11k) February 14th is just another day at the office for Hermione Granger. Shame no one else got the memo.

distance by In_Dreams (T, 138k) She’s a novice Unspeakable trying to earn her stripes. He’s a shafted Auror desperate to prove himself. When they end up forced together on a shared assignment, neither is willing to back down. But when the mission pulls them into an ancient world of mystery and adventure, they find themselves depending on each other in a race against time.

nonscents by In_Dreams (M, 10k) Granger's Amortentia smells like him and Draco can't understand why. More importantly, he can't let her figure it out.

correspondence by olivieblake (T, 5k) Every year, Draco insists that Hermione take a picture for their Christmas card. Why? Hell if she knows, but if it will make him happy, so be it.

sandalwood and gardenias by secondbutton (E, 9k) A balanced fragrance of sandalwood and something musky and earthy followed him like a shroud. Draco Malfoy smelled like a magical forest’s best kept secret. Like the moment following a storm when the sun peeks back over the clouds and living beings stop what they’re doing and pause to marvel at being able to roam outside again. It was a crisp top note with more robust undertones, and just a hint of sweetness. She thought she might love the scent if it lived on anyone else other than him.

#dramione #draco malfoy #hermione granger #fanfiction recs #fanfic recs #little to no ron weasley bashing #dramione fanfics #dramione fanfic recs #fic recs #dramione fic recs

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gateway-to-glimmer · 4 years ago

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The Twin Peaks Guide to the Occult

A Modern Conceptualization of Magick

I personally don’t believe in magick as most other people do. I see magick as a word for an unexplained variable. I see it as a creative metaphor for things that don’t have an exact definition. I see it as an informal way to question the components of reality. I see it as a way of consciously controlling and understanding your personal psychology.

I often contemplate on narratives, like Twin Peaks, that affect me in a profound way. Shows or books or games that make me feel nostalgic, unsettle me, make me question things, make me long for a different reality. I take that vivid emotional experience and question it. I relate the fictional narrative to my internal and personal experience of the world. I speculate on myself, on others, on the world around me, and redraw my conclusions again and again. This gets me thinking; dreaming; creating. It helps me to understand myself and develop a more nuanced understanding of the world around me. That is what I am attempting to teach here in this guide. I practice from a purely psychological model.

The Components of Narrative

When we watch or create a narrative, there are several main areas that we fixate on. This is likely due to our systems of memory specializing in certain types of data. We have a strong sense of place; we have a strong sense of knowledge for other worlds and their social culture; we have a strong sense of characters and elements that relate to ourselves; we have a strong sense of narrative and time; we have a strong sense of symbolism, theme, and mood. These components are easily linked to our systems of memory; we pay attention to information related to: semantic memory (knowledge of another world, of customs, of information specific to that fictional narrative); episodic memory (we preferentially pay attention to autobiographical details like narrative, character relationships, and places, which also draws on the mind’s preference for separating and compartmentalizing knowledge and functions related to person and place which we see in depersonalization and derealization; this also draws on our ability to engage in social cognition;) associative and emotional memory as well as our linguistic faculties (symbolism, communicative metaphors;) and so on.

In summary, the core components of a narrative are as follows. These components are informed by the way our brain interacts with and stores sensory input. Information is stored along several predictable axes, and it is through these cognitive functions that we are able to interact with and reason about the world.

+ Plot

+ Theme, symbolism, and higher meaning

+ Character

+ Setting and knowledge about this other world

We store memories of fictional stories in a similar manner to memories of real events. In this manner, we take in what we watch and introject our own version of it within ourselves. The way in which we internalize and relate to other narratives is hugely personal and can be used to understand and change elements of ourselves.

A Momentary Existence in the Form of Twin Peaks

To begin, set aside some time where you won’t be disturbed for 30 or more minutes. Try to use the same time for this series of contemplation. When we practice or perform something at the same time over a number of instances, we associate that time with that state of mind. This is useful for developing a distinctive state of mind dedicated to one topic. Thoughts related to that time become abstracted and elaborated from our daily thought process and take on a profound feeling of significance. We use these elaborated states of mind as lenses to modify or artistically translate aspects of our personal psychology.

Some people like using a state dependent memory cue before they engage in any type of occult working. Using cues is useful. It signals to the mind that a specific mental state or behavior is about to occur. Much like practicing at the same time every day, using cues like this can strengthen the resulting ritual state of mind, and can be used to disconnect and reconnect significant thoughts from the self.

Some people use a specific outfit or jewelry just for occult workings. Some people only practice at a specific time of day. Some people use a certain scent of incense, engage in a certain arrangement of rituals, meditate, draw or reflect on a specific symbol, or visit a specific internal place. Some people create different cues for specific rituals and topics. Other people use substances, psychoactive or not, as cues.

When contemplating subjects related to Twin Peaks, I use an internal space themed after Twin Peaks. When we visit a specific place in our mind, particularly if we immerse ourselves in our sense of that place, we modify our sense of time and place. This acts as a powerful state dependent memory cue, and thinking about that internal space brings the atmosphere of Twin Peaks and the topics it inspires us to think about to mind, vividly and immediately. This is useful for some things, particularly in identifying patterns in one’s thoughts.

After watching the show through without analysis on one occasion, begin these series of mental rituals. Begin by spending 10-20 minutes each night in an internal space themed around Twin Peaks. Pick an area that you thought had a particularly Twin Peaks-esque atmosphere; a place that inspires a sense of wonder or nostalgia related to the show. Visualize yourself in this space. Model each of your senses in that place. Walk around and explore for the amount of time you have set aside. Develop a keen sense for this space inside your mind.

Dreams

Dreams have a huge significance in Twin Peaks, and it wouldn’t be right to neglect paying attention to them. Agent Cooper often takes insight from his dreams in the show, and although some of the magick and wonder of his interpretation of his dreams can be explained as a trick of the availability heuristic, as the show goes on dreams increasingly become a window into the beyond - things that lie just beyond understanding and articulation.

Maintain a dream journal as you begin this series of mental exercises and contemplation. After watching the show through for the first time, or if you have already seen the show before, begin rewatching the series starting with Fire Walk With Me. I didn’t truly appreciate this show until the second time I watched it. I loved it the first time, but the true beauty of it didn’t become evident to me quite as keenly on the first vs. the second viewing of the show. Personal preference, I suppose.

A Contemplation of Themes

One of the greatest strengths in engaging in the mental exercises taught in occult traditions is that they allow us to engage with ideas in a novel way. Twin Peaks is a show that is particularly known for having a strong symbolic element to its narrative. Twin Peaks speaks in an artistic and metaphorical way to the viewer, and pausing to think about the subjects it tries to convey is a meaningful exercise.

So where does ritual come into things?

Continue your re-watch of the Twin Peaks. In this post, we will contemplate certain themes and characters through a ritual practice. By engaging with these ideas and reflecting on the mindset of the various parties in this show, we develop our ability to critically reason and engage with ideas in a creative way.

Before contemplating or modeling an idea or character, always begin by taking a few minutes to meditate in your internal space that you set aside for these rituals [as discussed in part 1.]

Death

Death is one of the most prominent themes that is explored in the Twin Peaks show. The show starts with the death of Laura Palmer. This show explores the world of professional death, life ruining secrets and the threat of their exposure (via the police or witnesses to crime,) suicide, homicide, and the inertia of death and the effect it has on those that survive in its wake. This show also portrays the converse of death - protection from death, guardianship. We see this in the miraculous saves or in the courageous detective work of people like Audrey, James and Donna, the Twin Peaks police, and Agent Cooper.

We watch the show explore different types of death. Ben Horne loses his land to Catherine and, accordingly, his power. He suffers a psychotic break in reaction to this. The loss of sanity and power could be considered a form of death. Lovelessness is a theme that several characters experience, notably in the various entangled romances in the show. Nadine and Ed have a fantastical and tenuous relationship where they feel alienated from each other by their fundamentally different ways of perceiving the world; Norma is terrified of her ex-husband and estranged from Ed. Alienation and mismatching perceptions of reality locking people into their own personal realities is another form of what could be considered death that is explored in this show. Josie is trapped by her past and is never truly free. Accidental deaths happen. We see conspiracy to commit murder, with Ben Horne calling a hit and the ensuing process of people involved- from the people who look the other way to the hitmen- in making someone disappear.

These are the main points of action in the show. Events involving death.

Take a few days or weeks to contemplate on the events involving death portrayed in this show. Set aside 20-30 minutes to meditate on these ideas. When you contemplate on these ideas, imagine yourself in your internal space. Create an object that symbolizes your contemplation of this subject. This will help you to remember your thoughts later and will help keep you grounded in your thoughts as opposed to zoning out. Think about the ways in which death is explored in this show. Think about how they relate to your current life and your past experiences. We have all dealt with death in some form or another.

After contemplating this theme of death, take another few days to reflect on this atmosphere. What eerie emotional feeling is associated with death, both in this show and outside of it? Take this emotional feeling and translate it into wispy colors of black with glittering, rainbow sparks. Take this feeling and translate it into different forms, places, animate it as a character. What would this feeling be like if it had a personality? What kind of place comes to mind when you reflect on this feeling, what kinds of things happen in this place? It may take multiple tries for an answer to come. Learning to manipulate your feelings and translate them into other forms like this is helpful when trying to write stories or generate ideas.

The Summoning of Spirits

Summoning is such a quintessential part of magick practice. This has been the case historically as well as currently. What is summoning? It is a particularly involved way of communicating with the self, and of picking and choosing aspects of our memory and personality that we then give animation to. We create a spirit within ourselves with these dimensions. The mind is incredible - particularly in its ability to model and to imagine. We are limited only by the boundaries of our imagination and memory.

Below is a method to summon entities. It is particularly easy to give animation to elements of our memory that we have a defined stereotype of. The characters of a show, people we know in person and have a long relationship with - drawing on our internal stereotypes of people we have a strong “sense” of is one of the easiest ways to develop an animate point of consciousness within our mind’s eye that can be talked to and influence our behavior in a way that feels abstracted from our main sense of self.

This can be used for many things. Gaining perspective. Modeling character interactions in a work of art - imagining and then modeling what will happen next in a story you are writing. The abstracted nature of these animate characters we can create in our mind lends themselves to spontaneous psychological effects and moments of inspiration - things that feel somewhat outside of our control. This adds variability to our thoughts. It’s also just a fun practice and it is interesting to play around with the mind and what it can do.

A Consideration of Character

The interactions between the various parties in Twin Peaks in addition to the general social context of the town serves as one of the main points of interest in this show. Twin Peaks presents a compelling and immersive community of characters. Understanding and analyzing their motivations is a good place to learn the general logic behind the idea of entity contact or summoning spirits.

For this summoning ritual, the only materials needed are your imagination and a quiet space. Enter your mental space that you set aside for considerations related to Twin Peaks and, perhaps, your studies of the occult more broadly. Model all of your senses in this space; attempt to immerse yourself as vividly as you can in your internal reality. This is now your entire reality; repeat this idea to yourself as you disavow information offered to you from your circumstances outside of your mind’s eye. Let go of daily life concerns, unpleasant physical sensations, and so on. All there is, is the internal world.

There are two main divisions in types of spirit work. Perceiving the other consciousness outside of yourself (evocation or summoning), and perceiving yourself as becoming this new consciousness (invocation or possession).

A third type involves hallucinating the other consciousness. A study of imposition (learning to consciously create hallucinations), which is outside of the scope of this post, can be used to provoke this third type. It is similar to the other two types but with a slightly different focus. A fourth type involves altered states such as dreams or the use of entheogens. A fifth type uses a ritual or other external cue. These latter three types are all different ways to obtain one of the former two types of entity experiences.

It is furthermore possible to integrate or transform the resulting abstracted consciousness into the self to change the self in the direction of that integrated consciousness. By being forced into direct contact with the consciousness as it integrates, the main self decides its own answer to the internal conflicts encountered by that consciousness.

External places and ideas have a type of consciousness to them, although it is experienced slightly different by the magick practitioner. This is likely due to the way the mind remembers information. It remembers information along certain axes. We have a division in our place vs. our person memory and the way we handle perception related to these two things.

Some people find it easier to shapeshift into a new consciousness. Other people find it easier to animate a consciousness that feels separate from themselves. Repeated attempts to access and animate the same concept/character increase the elaboration and complexity of the resulting spirit/animated and abstracted aspect of the self.

While in your internal space, visualize the character you wish to model. Imagine their appearance, their mannerisms. From there, it becomes a matter of modeling their mind. Focus on your internal stereotype of that person, focus on your sense of that other person, your feeling when you think of that person.

Route 1:

Draw your sense of that person into yourself. You become that person. Everything you do is checked between your logic vs. that other person’s. Everything in this trance state is done in the shape of that other person. All of your thoughts are this other person. After 10-15 minutes, more or less if you want, you can stop.

Route 2:

Imagine that other person separate from you, either in your mind’s eye or outside of yourself in your physical location. Have a conversation with that person. Model what they would say. After 10-15 minutes, stop for the day. At first, it will feel awkward and as though you are talking to yourself via a puppet, but after enough times it will become more natural and automatic, and you may find yourself slipping into that alternate perspective or hearing its internal logic comment on what you do throughout the day. Don’t forget to regularly remind yourself of the division between yourself and this part of your memory/personality/perception.

If you want to reintegrate with this abstracted sense of self, reverse the process. Take the feeling of that self and integrate it with your main sense of self. Visualize a picture, something symbolic, maybe of colors mixing to become a new color. Blue and red becoming purple. Keep reminding yourself that the only voice you hear inside your head is yours, and this is your thought process. It will quickly integrate into your main sense of self.

Don’t forget to come up with a cue that signals the beginning of a summoning/possession session and a cue that signals the end of it. Clean compartmentalization of behaviors and mental states is essential for a particularly vivid psychological experience.

Bob, Leland, and Mr. Robertson

Leland is one of the most compelling characters of the show. We see aspects of his psychology expressed indirectly in the events of the show. Leland, as Bob, is a character that affected the lives of not only his daughter, but of his co-workers and the people he engaged in criminal activity with. The various moves he makes to cover his second life are found peppered throughout the show; 25 years after the events of his daughter’s death and his subsequent suicide, his attempts to cover-up Bob are still being discovered - like with his attempt to hide his daughter’s journal entries in the police station that is only discovered in the third season.

Leland is one of the most interesting characters from this show to model, least of which being the wealth of information the show contains on his character. Leland is implied to have been a user of cocaine, and that fire was his metaphor for the high of cocaine. “Fire, walk with me.” Leland’s relationship with Mr. Robertson from his childhood is left mostly in the shadows; was it a sexual relationship? Did he witness Mr. Robertson kill someone? In either case, the psychological impact of Mr. Robertson on Leland’s childhood changed him as a person, leading to his possession by Bob in the show. It is a wonderful metaphor for the process of introjection itself, and how traumatic experiences and individuals can seem to haunt us for the rest of our lives. Not only did Leland find himself personally haunted by his experience with Mr. Robertson, but the way it affected Leland as a father to Laura affected her as well. Bob is a terrific metaphor for the psychological affects of these cycles of inherited trauma.

The Duality of Leland Palmer and Laura Palmer

Laura and Leland were similar and opposites in many interesting ways. There is an important contrast between the two that is worth considering. Laura and Leland both had difficult upbringings; Leland’s implied traumatic past and the implied trauma Laura witnessed from living in Leland’s household with its particular demands (his involvement in organized crime and drugs, and so on.) At the same time, it’s heavily implied that this makes them similar in some ways. Leland has a difficult time controlling his behavior, up to the point that Ben Horne calls for his murder (it is implied that Bob’s possession of Leland and his subsequent suicide may have been a metaphor for the psychological effects of Leland dodging Bob Horne’s hit) because he’s attracting too much attention. Leland was a man who could call a hit or kill a prostitute for fun, and it was implied he regularly practiced both things. Laura was not this sort of person at all and wanted to bring him down after discovering these things, making them opposites in a sense; however, this was Laura’s own approach to death, and it could be said this was how Bob manifested in Laura. Death by prison isn’t much better than death by hitman.

Sleep, Dreams, and Realization

In the show, sleep states, different lives (which could be a literal metaphor for other personality states and sides of ourselves, or it could be taken at face value as an exploration of other universes,) altered states and changes in behavior due to drugs (Leland’s transformation into Bob was often accompanied by drug use), and dreams are prominent elements of the show. I personally have always felt this show uses altered states of mind to show that life itself feels as wonderous and discontinuous enough as though we are traveling through other timelines, and I have felt this show is wonderful at indirectly conveying subtle and nuanced psychological states in an artistic manner. That is very occult in and of itself.

While considering this final topic- of the esoteric, that which is hidden, the unexplained variables that direct our existence and the form of our reality, the investigation of the mysteries,- attempt to do so while under the influence of different states of consciousness. I would never tell you to do something illegal, but if you already use drugs or other substances that alter your mind, try seeing how their addition changes your thought process as you consider these topics.

Attempt to contemplate these topics during sleep states. There are three significant sleep states: light sleep, which can be entered via hypnosis on the edge of sleep (watch or imagine something move back and forth) or by meditating with the eyes closed and waiting for light sleep to begin. The change in mental state is accompanied by a deepening vividness of thoughts, a difficulty remembering thoughts later on, and a randomization of thoughts.

Deep sleep is truly immersive. In light sleep, we still feel as though we are in our body, even if we may have learned to block it out. In deep sleep, we feel as though our dreams are our entire reality and have no further sense of our body. We go through the process of sleep paralysis to enter this stage, which many people feel as vibrations. Meditation through light sleep, which is easiest to do if you do not engage with your light sleep stage but continue to stay focused on nothingness for 10-20 minutes as you phase into deep sleep. Then there is REM sleep dreams, which are the most vivid and disconnected from the ordinary principles of reality. Most people learn to wake themselves up during REM sleep. This is easiest to do by making a dream journal, identifying patterns in dreams, and learning to distinguish dreams from reality with these patterns. In addition, regularly asking yourself “am I dreaming?” and then trying to do something that is only possible in dreams (like flying, or looking at a scene and then looking back (dreams have a continuous nature to them so scenes change in between viewing them in dreams as we cannot hold a consistent model of reality) and seeing if it is constant or changing) to check to see if you are dreaming. Eventually, if you do this often enough, you will begin to question if you are lucid while you are dreaming. It becomes a consistent habit. This is how you attain lucidity, by learning to distinguish dreams from reality and learning to automatically question which one you are experiencing at the moment.

Realization is different from the other techniques mentioned. In realization, we bring our internal world in focus while we are immersed in our daily life. We learn to keep an intermittent eye on our changing thoughts and ideas inside of our head. We learn to notice when something in our daily life reminds us of a pattern or theme for something else (in this instance, Twin Peaks) That is the final exercise. Learn to keep the mental space you’ve developed for contemplation active in your daily life. It will run and exist and form connections and insight as you go about your day. Question anything that reminds you of your internal world and wonder why you are reminded of that. By keeping our internal mental space active, we bring the atmosphere of that place into our daily awareness. This leads to a deepening of the vividness of our emotions, and bathes our experience in a distinctive atmosphere - a changeable frame that is updated in response to our thoughts and experiences.

The esoteric

Twin Peaks is an especially fascinating show because there is a mundane explanation for all of it. That explanation generally boils down to: the supernatural or weird element of the show is used as a curtain so to speak, a metaphor for different forms of death, organized crime, the compartmentalization of the personality and other nuanced psychological experiences, and the unexplained element of the world. Bob could be a metaphor for the murderous instinct within Leland, and within others, that is especially prone to being released while under the influence of substances like cocaine. Dougie/Cooper’s weird experiences in the third season could be a metaphor for the personality compartmentalization between someone who has a job, a family, and an organized crime life. Many of the weird elements could be explained as a metaphor for some unseen element of Ben Horne et al’s organized crime empire.

I think that’s what Twin Peaks- and an occult consideration of this show- teaches us above all else. There is wonder to be had in life. Even if that wonder is ultimately explainable, isn’t real life fascinating? Isn’t explaining the unexplained a sublime pleasure - one that reveals more questions after the answers. The great investigation is a recurring theme in this show. Cooper’s investigation; understanding the details of Laura’s murder which are never fully shown; investigating Cooper’s disappearance from society. The great investigation is a recurring trope for a reason, and this show deconstructs it for what it is: the investigation of the unknown, an investigation launched, ultimately, because of our inherent anxiety of death. Curiosity, passion, wonder, and a bold exploration of mystery are foundational human experiences that make and break us. They are life.

The way we interpret the world is our own personal framework. There is no higher guide than yourself. There is no accountability to anyone other than yourself. If you choose to hold something above you, it changes the way you relate with external reality on a fundamental level. That may not be bad; this could be a way of inspiring oneself to work towards a higher ideal.

Garmonbozia

In Fire Walk With Me, we see this word. Garmonbozia. A word that supposedly symbolizes all of the world’s suffering and torment. The snuff film. Likely this may be a metaphor for people’s fascination with watching death and misery, a comment on a regularly occuring element/fascination/fixture of human nature.

The things we focus on. When we read something into a show- and this can take many forms, it can mean that we relate to something, that something attracts our curiosity or derision, or we see a message from a higher power about something relevant to our life- we are communicating with ourselves. We are projecting our own internal world, our own systems of meaning onto the external. We truly cannot touch the external. We are captive within our internal universe, creating within ourselves to approximate some sort of means with which we may affect the world around ourselves. We never truly break free from our trapped consciousness, but the way we relate to and interact with the world creates an impression that lives in and of itself. It lives in the chain of reactions that are caused by every action. It lives in the way our actions affect the personal development, in whatever big or small way, of all who perceive them.

Our internal universe, our memory, and our interactions with the external world completely define ourselves. The world we see when we engage with or create a work of art says everything about that person. We understand the world entirely through this projection. Being intimately familiar with the way we project our internal world onto the external world can give us insight into ourselves. Why do we relate to that element? What gives us meaning? What provokes this or that response? What themes call to us?

Twin Peaks is an incredible show. It plays ambiguity wonderfully. People tend to see very different things into the various twists and turns of this show. Understanding your personal symbolism gives you power over meaning itself.

#twin peaks #pop culture magick #chaos magick #discordian #left hand path #occult #witch #witchcraft #hedgewitch #dream work #lucid dreaming #astral projection #magick #pagan

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bewaretheidesofmarchyall · 4 years ago

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Dream SMP Good Omens AU Part 3!

There’s another chapter of the Good Omens AU! This one is Bedrock Bros, it’s on AO3 here, but also below the cut

Technoblade was determined not to care about Tommy. He lost that particular battle.

-----------------

"Let me get something clear. I'm not sure why you're here, or what you're planning, but I haven't survived as long as I have by giving strangers the benefit of the doubt.". Technoblade paced around his opponent, making every word clear.

"You may have been able to pull the wool over Phil's eyes, but I see through this whole game.

You think you can show up in our home, learn our secrets, and report back to your boss, right?

Well, mark my words: I'm going to find out your plan, I'm going to track down the guy you're working for, and I'm going to get you out of our lives.". He glanced back.

"Are you even listening to me?".

The opponent stared blankly at him through crib bars. Technoblade folded his arms.

"I'm starting to think you might actually be a month-old baby.". Phil walked into the room, looking exasperated.

"Techno, are you interrogating the child again?"

"Listen, this orphaned child is hiding something, I know it."

"He didn't crack the first seven times you tried this. Just give it a rest, mate."

"I think I have the perfect negotiation strategy this time."

"Which is?"

"The threat of violence. Allow me to demonstrate.". He removed a sword from the wall and held it over the crib.

"Who do you work for?". Tommy looked at the blade like it was the coolest thing he'd seen in his young life and reached for it. Techno held it out of the child's reach.

Phil, unamused, swooped in, took the sword out of his hands, and half-led half-pushed him out of the house.

"I think that's enough for today."

"But-"

"Nope!”

"Just promise me you won't trust him."

"I already don't, but it's my job to keep Tommy away from danger, and I think a sword qualifies."

"I wasn't going to stab a baby. It was an intimidation tactic, I was intimidating the baby.".

Phil apparently thought that was a ridiculous thing to do, and he closed the door, leaving Techno on the porch.

The new neighbors were out in their yards.

The surly one two houses down with the business suit flipped him off as a way of greeting, while the strange guitar guy waved cheerfully, "accidentally" pointing a garden hose at the businessman in the process.

Technoblade hadn't bothered to learn either of their names. He neither liked nor trusted them, but they weren't the most important issue at hand.

No, the most important thing right now is figuring out how to end the Tommy Problem, so me and Phil can be unbothered and safe. I look after my family and no one else.

His days of living in our home are numbered.

-----------

Now, knowing your enemy is crucial to any conflict.

So, when Technoblade wasn't maintaining the old secret identity, exercising Steve, or looking after his collections of books and bones, he was gathering intel.

Unfortunately for him, babies were perhaps the most boring creatures in existence.

They couldn't speak, they couldn't move around much, they didn't have any kind of personal philosophy to argue against.

Even after two years of gathering information, he wasn't able to learn much about the thing's strengths, weaknesses, and motivations besides the basics:

Strengths: Phil's protecting him and might be a bit attached.

Weaknesses: A literal baby, untrained in combat.

Motivations: ??? An enigma.

He was a patient man, but two years of learning nothing was testing his patience. This was the only reason why he agreed to look after the toddler for an afternoon.

------------

Phil dropped Tommy off at Techno's house with very little prior warning.

Techno hadn't been expecting to ever have to look after a toddler, even for a couple of hours, and he reacted to the idea with reluctance.

"Why can't Wilbur do this again?"

“Because I’m leaving to go look for him. I had a concerning phone call, and Wilbur might be in trouble with the law or something worse. It’s a long story, but could you please watch Tommy for a little while?”.

Technoblade tried not to show his distaste for the idea of babysitting, and agreed.

All I have to do is keep him alive and unharmed for a couple of hours, hopefully learning more about what he is and why we have him. I can do that.

As soon as Phil left, he found a notebook and pen. He was going to take copious notes to make this worth it.

-------------

1:32 PM: The kid has just been released into my house. He immediately tried to fall down the basement stairs. I stopped him, but he's on the loose again.

1:45 PM: Note to self, add Unlimited Energy to the strengths column.

2:00 PM: Another round of are all children like this, or is it a supernatural thing! He apparently has the capacity to scream for five minutes straight without breathing. This is because he's upset that I won't let him on the basement stairs, which he has decided is the best part of the house because I don't want him there.

2:04 PM: On the loose once more.

2:15 PM: It's like someone released a miniature earthquake into my house. This thing is chaos incarnate loose on the mortal plane.

2:28 PM: he may or may not have a knife

2:29 PM: Crisis averted, he does not have a knife anymore.

2:33 PM: It has now been over an hour. The child is alive, my sanity is not.

2:46 PM: Steve likes him. He's an impeccable judge of character most of the time, wonder what went wrong. This would be kind of sweet, if it weren't for the fact that Phil might see that I googled if polar bears ate children.

2:47 PM: Just to clarify: Steve has not eaten the child at the time of this entry.

4:19 PM: You know what really annoys me? The voices haven't helped at all with this. I'd assume one of you would have some helpful advice, but it's just "blood for the blood god" and "E". I know that I didn't become the blood god by saying "Yeah, that seems like a reasonable amount of blood", but there are other things in life.

4:23 PM: I think I finally figured out something. The kid likes fire and (again, is that normal for human children??) and I'm exploding things at a safe distance. He's entertained, I'm getting rid of my spare Molotov cocktails, this is fine.

-------------

Techno put the notebook aside and lit another fuse.

He looked up to the window, where Steve was curled up around Tommy, stopping him from going anywhere.

He casually got out of the way of the explosion, let it happen, and ran back to the window nook in the house. Tommy was still grinning and staring at the crater in wonder.

I'm not completely failing at this.

At that moment, the doorbell rang.

Techno wasn't planning on answering it, but a certain guardian demon walked unsteadily into the house anyway.

Wilbur looked somewhat dazed, like he'd been through hell and back in the last three hours. One of his hands was hidden in his coat, but Technoblade was pretty sure he was covering a wound.

Tommy looked even more excited about seeing him than he was about the explosions, and he ran over, clinging on to Wilbur.

Despite the state he was in, he smiled down at the toddler.

Techno waited to the side for an explanation, not sure of the right way to ask someone if they'd been in an alleyway shootout recently.

Eventually, Wilbur looked up.

"If you see a man in a sonic onesie, kill him on sight."

"Heh?"

"Just some advice. Anyway, thank you so much for taking care of Tommy for these couple of hours, but I'm back."

"Wilbur, from what I can see you're going to pass out in five minutes. You're not going to look after a toddler."

"Excuse me, I haven't slept since the 19th century and I'm not starting now."

"What?"

"Ignore that. I sleep as much as humans do. The point is, I'm here to relieve you from your post.".

Technoblade thought about it.

On the one hand, the chaos gremlin would be removed from my house.

On the other hand, it's just my luck that someone only shows up once I figured out how to kind of deal with the situation.

Also, that guy's at least on Death's lawn if not his doorstep.

"I don't need you to swoop in and take the credit, but thanks. I've been handling this just fine on my own.". A puzzled expression flickered on Wilbur's face, but he eventually nodded.

"Fine. I guess."

"When you pass out in three minutes, try not to do it in the potato garden or the bush."

"Not going to do that, but sure thing.". With that, Wilbur slowly got Tommy to let go of him and left into the evening. Technoblade turned to the child.

"Alright, let's explode something else."

------------

A little later that night, a voicemail was sent to Phil.

"If you're still looking for Wilbur, you can stop. He's back, and he's not dead. I mean, he's not exactly dead.

Apparently, he got into a gunfight with Sonic the Hedgehog. He's in", and there was a muffled crash, followed by a long sigh from Techno as he stared at the wall in disappointment.

"He's in the bush. Please collect him. Also, please collect your actual child, he's tried to chew on a skull. Thanks.".

--------------

Since the first time looking after Tommy hadn't been a complete disaster, Techno didn't object when he was needed again.

After all, the more he learned, the more he theoretically grew closer to bringing their lives back to normalcy.

So, he was like 8% of Tommy's childhood. He was no Wilbur, but the kid was still part of his life.

Little traces of Tommy were everywhere in his house, except for the basement, which remained under lock and key.

The walls were scribbled on, the fridge raided too many times to count, and action figures hidden in every corner.

Whenever he got the chance, he'd find a way to test the kid for some kind of supernatural ability.

So far, Tommy was able to leave salt circles, touch iron and silver, didn't care when he cooked eggshells, and could absolutely enter places without being invited (in fact, that seemed like his favorite thing to do).

Technoblade was certain that Tommy wasn't human, but he had to admit that the likelihood of him being a spy was slim.

He seemed like a perfectly regular child, or as regular as the circumstances allowed.

Techno had met his share of liars and actors in his day (hell, his neighbors fit the criteria), but he'd never come across anything that could tell a lie that convincing.

-------------

One would expect the years to fly by for someone like Technoblade, since he'd seen so many of them.

However, time had never sped or slowed for him. The years always felt like the exact same length of time.

Still, it was odd how fast Tommy grew up.

The years still felt like plain old years, no faster or slower, but it was a surprise when Technoblade realized that the kid was seven already.

----------------

Tommy liked comic books where the heroes won, so Techno hadn't expected him to like Greek myths.

He'd only read them to him because he'd been demanding a story, and it was either the book of mythology or Sun Tzu's The Art of War.

Seeing as Tommy was a second-grader, military tactics went a bit over his head.

"So, Hades decided to let Orpheus leave the underworld with Eurydice under one condition: He couldn't look back to see if she was following him. If he doubted the gods and looked behind him before they both reached the sun, he would lose her forever."

"That's dumb."

"The gods don't like being doubted."

"If he goes into the underworld to get her back, they should be able to leave without some trick!"

"Yeah, the gods are also jerks sometimes.". Tommy curled up on the couch, trying to turn the page to find out what would happen next.

Techno had hoped that a story would calm him down, but his energy seemed even higher than before, since he was invested in the plot.

"Do they make it?"

"We're getting there. Orpheus walked back through Hades-"

"He walked through Hades?"

"Hades the place, not Hades the god. He named his kingdom after himself."

"That's not a good way to name a kingdom. I wouldn't want to live in a place named Tommyland, even if I did have a country. I should have a country."

“Tommy, you don’t want to run a government.”

"It isn't a government if it's all me!"

"That-That's absolute monarchy. That's worse."

"If you could, would you clone yourself? I would. I'd have a clone country."

"Do you want to find out what happens next in the story or not?". Tommy quickly nodded, and let Techno continue.

"Orpheus walked back through Hades, not knowing if Eurydice was behind him or not. He walked through the Elysian Fields, and the pits of Tartarus, and the endless wasteland of the shades of Asphodel."

"What's Asphodel?"

"Asphodel is where they put souls who weren't good or bad, but just kind of there. It's like the ancient Greek version of purgatory. They just stand in a meadow for all of eternity there."

"Sounds boring."

"It is. Anyway, Orpheus walked through all of Hades's kingdom. He could only hear his own footsteps and his breathing, and had no way of telling if Eurydice had followed.

When he crossed the river Styx, he asked the ferryman if there was anyone behind him, but Charon refused to answer him.

He got to the other side of the river, and all he had to do was walk through the tunnel to the surface."

"So he makes it?"

"We're getting there. Orpheus was almost to the surface, when things started to go badly for him in a special way. See, most Greek heroes are stopped by their hubris, but-"

"What's hubris?"

"Overconfidence. Arrogance. The type of person who'd try to take things from the gods instead of asking."

"Like Wilbur!"

"Exactly like Wilbur. But Orpheus was just built different.

Instead of being overconfident, his fatal flaw was doubting too much. He trusted no one, especially not himself.

So, just as he was about to step into the sun, he turned around to check if Eurydice was behind him.

And she was. She'd been behind him the whole time, but when he gave in to his doubts and turned to look, she disappeared forever.". Technoblade closed the book. Tommy was quiet, picking at a loose thread on a cushion.

"Is that it?"

"Yeah, that's basically the story."

"That's not fair. He goes down into the scariest place in the cosmos to get back the person he loves, and then loses because he turns around a couple feet from the finish line?"

"He gave into his fatal flaw. That's how most of these work."

"Hades probably knew that was his fatal flaw. And he chose that test to make him lose.". Techno blinked. He'd never thought about it that way.

"I mean, that's probably true. Like I said, the gods are jerks.". Tommy seemed disappointed by that, slumping and burying his face in Steve's fur.

"Do any of these have happy endings?".

Technoblade looked through the table of contents.

Achilles dies. Jason dies. Bellerophon dies. Atalanta got turned into a lion. Heracles and Icarus and Meleager all die. Even Theseus dies in disgrace. Seems like everyone dies, except-

"Perseus turns out okay.". Tommy brightened up a bit at that.

"Can you tell me about him?".

Technoblade found the right page and began telling the story of the man who got to go on a quest and survive.

The whole time, Tommy had his head on his shoulder, staring at the illustrations. Techno's arm fell asleep after a few minutes, but he neither noticed nor minded.

---------------

If anyone asked Techno if he cared about Tommy, he'd laugh in their face.

Of course he didn't! There was still a plan to get rid of him, it was just....delayed.

Once he grew up and went to college, he'd technically be out of the house. Which meant that the plan would still have paid off. Still a partial victory on his part.

Anyway, he'd say in very clear terms that he didn't care about Tommy. He was just some kid.

A kid that spent a lot of time at his house. A kid that he'd seen grow up. A kid that obviously cared about him.

The same kid that he taught how to throw a punch when he got into a fight at school, and which heroes corresponded to which constellations, and to call him whenever he needed help.

He'd say that he didn't care about that kid. But, out of the many liars he'd met over his long life, he was one of the worst.

And when Phil called him with a plan to make sure that Tommy stayed safe, he agreed, even though it would inconvenience him a fair bit.

Because above all else, Technoblade looked after his family.

#dream smp #dsmp #good omens au #c!technoblade #c!tommy #technoblade #bedrock bros #tommyinnit #writing #beware the drafts of march

11 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 4 years ago

Text

1197

survey by ohsh1t2wksl8

Layers

Layer 1: The Basics

Name: Since there’ve been several people who’ve followed me recently anyway, HI I’m Robyn.

Age: 23.

Birthday: April 21st.

Gender: Female.

Zodiac Sign: Taurus.

Layer 2: Your Family

Do you have any brothers or sisters? Yes, I have one of each.

Do you have any pets? Yup, two dogs.

Do you still live with your parents? I do. I’m not in a rush.

Do you have any stepparents? Nope.

How many cousins do you have? 11 first cousins. Throwing my second cousins into the mix would dramatically increase the number and I don’t feel like counting rn.

Layer 3: Your Friends

Who is your best friend? Angela and Andi.

Who have you been friends with the longest? Angela and I have been friends for 16 years and it’s stronger as ever these days because of our mutual love for BTS hehe.

What do you like to do with your friends? It really depends! There’s no one thing I like doing most with any of them; as long as I’m with them I’d consider it time well spent.

Do you have more friends online or in real life? Real life. It’s hard to form friendships online once nearly everyone starts becoming younger than you.

What is a good way to make friends with others? One thing I learned is that you have to be okay to initiate, and that’s not really something I like doing all the time.

Layer 4: Your Home

Do you live in a home, apartment, duplex, trailer, etc? I live in a house.

How many rooms are there in your house? There are 4 bedrooms and 5 other kinds of rooms – that’s 2 bathrooms, the living room, dining room, and kitchen.

Is your home large or small? I’d say it’s medium-sized. It’s not small that I feel cramped or inadequate, but it’s also nowhere near a mansion. It’s very comfortable for a family of 5.

What is your favorite room in your house, and why? Rooftop. My family barely goes there (and what a shame they don’t), so it’s a nice place to go to when I want to be alone but can’t get out of the house. Not to mention that it’s open-air and windy there, so whenever I feel as if I’m getting cooked inside I can always depend on the rooftop.

Do you prefer having people over to your house, or would you rather go to theirs? I’d rather go to theirs. Our house is really deep into the village and is a challenge to get to, especially if you’re unfamiliar with the general area.

Layer 5: Can You

Can you fold your tongue into the taco shape? Yes, but that’s the furthest it can go. I can’t really bend or twist it into shapes more complex than that.

Can you touch your toes without bending your knees? Nah, I lost that ability years ago. I didn’t make the most out of my flexibility back when I still had it.

Can you tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue? I never tried.

Can you hold up your end of a physical fight? I bet I can’t.

Can you do any yo-yo tricks? No, I was always terrible at the yo-yo.

Layer 6: Who

Who inspires you the most, and why? I don’t have any ~inspirations. I do like looking up to whoever my current obsession is – be it Rhett and Link, Paramore, BTS, etc. – to help me be happy and have something to smile at, but I try not to let any of them govern every single aspect of my life.

Who helps you maintain your sanity? My best friends. And these days, surprise surprise! – BTS.

Who do you go to most often for advice? Depends on the topic; I always run to either of my best friends. If I need a collective opinion, I go to my college friend group’s group chat.

Who knows you better than you know yourself? At one point it had been Gabie, but *shrug* Nowadays, the person who knows me best would probably be Andi.

Who is someone that you would die or put your life on the line for, no questions asked? Any of my friends.

Layer 7: Do you

Do you still eat sandwiches without the crusts? Nah - I’ve grown to be a fan of the crusts. I used to make my grandma slice them off as a kid or else I wouldn’t even think of touching the sandwich; then something changed as I got older and now I absolutely have to have the crust. At home, I even call dibs on the first and last pieces of bread (the ones that are all crust) whenever we get a new pack of sliced bread.

Do you typically finish your meal at a restaurant, or need to take a container home? I usually ask for it to be packed up for takeout.

Do you pull an Oreo apart in order to eat it? No, I just bite into it.

Do you read a lot of gossip magazines? As a kid/teenager. I’m over that now.

Do you make friends easily? I’m not the biggest social butterfly, but I’m also not super closed off. I’ll be happy to talk to anyone who approaches me.

Layer 8: How Many?

How many people live in your house with you? Four.

How many pets have you had in your lifetime? In my lifetime...I guess a good rough estimate would be somewhere around 10? I’ll never know exactly how many we’ve had since I never kept track of how many goldfish we kept.

How many tries does it take you to become successful at something? Depends. I never learned how to ride a bike even if I’ve pushed myself to practice ever since I was 5, but there are other things I’m able to pick up easily.

How many meals do you eat a day? One, dinner.

How many people can you honestly tolerate? This isn’t really an issue to me haha, I like being around people and my patience around them is usually long.

Layer 9: How

How do you typically get to school or work? I work from home at the moment and probably would for a little while longer; but if things were different, I would be driving myself.

How do you deal with a breakup? When I was going through mine, I was stupidly stubborn at first and refused any form of help. I deactivated all my social media and shut both my best friends out; it even got to a point where mutual friends were beginning to ask Andi where I’ve been as I’ve “disappeared off the face of the Earth” (an actual quote they relayed to me). I cried day in and day out, cried during my shifts, stayed holed up in my room; and I skipped hundreds of meals, sometimes not eating all day. It wasn’t a good place to be in.

But I knew I was on the right path to recovering the moment I reached out to friends again and acknowledged that I needed help. I started to help myself, too; I cut the person off slowly, and I started to look for new things to get into, new hobbies to invest in. I let my friends give me tough love and show me the reality of my situation, and I listened this time around. I don’t know what drove me to make a sudden change in my life but I’m really glad I came around to the decision, because I’m happier than ever these days.

How do you like to help others? All sorts of ways. I always want to make others’ lives a little easier.

How do you know when you’ve found “the one”? I don’t trust that instinct anymore.

How do you sleep in bed? On my side, clutching a pillow. No pillow to hug, no sleep.

Layer 10: What

What do you think happens when we die? That I just fall asleep for a very long time.

What do you do if there’s no toilet paper left on the roll and you’re already peeing? Turn around and hope there is at least a bidet in the stall.

What do you eat most often? Rice.

What toys did you enjoy most as a child? Anything with a lot of buttons or features to play around with, like detailed dollhouses.

What do you do if you witness someone being awful to someone else? Intervene, for the most part.

Layer 11: Where

Where is your favorite place to eat out? BGC has great ambience and restaurant choices, but it’s been a while since I’ve been there. I also still feel weird about the place since Gabie and I had dates there pretty often, sooooo I really ought to make new memories there with new people once I can.

Where is the place that has the best ice cream in your area? We don’t really have places known for ice cream...most people just buy pints or tubs of them at the grocery lol.

Where did you meet your current or last significant other? School.

Where can you be found at 7 PM. typically? Wrapping up work in my room.

Where can you find the best French fries? Potato Corner.

Layer 12: When

When did you find out the truth about Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy? Never believed in the first two. Tooth Fairy I lost hope in when I placed a tooth under my pillow when I was around 6 or 7 and woke up to nothing.

When do you typically fall asleep? Early hours of the morning tbh. I’d sleep anywhere between 1-4 AM these days.

When was the last time that someone paid you a compliment? Kata and I often make sure to compliment one another for our hard work by the end of particularly grueling shifts.

When do you feel most comfortable? Friday nights when I’m sure I can finally close my work group chats for the next two days.

When did you last go to the bathroom? Around an hour or so ago.

Layer 13: Why

Why do you enjoy taking surveys so much? It’s a stress reliever that has never failed me, and it lets me answers quirky random questions no one would ever have to ask me.

Why do people gossip so much? For one, probably the thrill of knowing something that's meant to be a thing.

Why can’t humans fly? It wouldn’t have been a necessity, I’m guessing.

Why aren’t you doing something else right now? Because I just spent the last 24 hours streaming Butter on Spotify and YouTube to raise views and plays for the boys, and taking this survey is actually the first thing I’ve done all day after taking a quick nap this afternoon to recover from all the streaming I did hahaha.

Why is the sky blue? I don’t know.

Layer 14: If…

If you had a million dollars, what would you spend it on? Buy chocolate chips because I’m craving them rn; get all BTS merch in one go; give a chunk to my parents; keep the rest.

If you found out someone was cheating on you, would you ever take them back? I don’t really have consistency when it comes to this situation. I know I definitely would’ve been stupid enough to stay with Gab if she hypothetically cheated on me while we were still together; I’m not sure if I’d stay when it comes to another person entirely.

If you found a wallet with cash in the street, including identification, would you turn it in? Why or why not? Yeah, I’d look for the owner. I’m not that desperate for money, personally.

If you could have any food right now, what would you like? SUSHI.

If you found out that the world was going to end tomorrow, how would you spend your last day? Go to the mall and get some much-needed air, then probably drop off some japchae and tteokbokki at Angela’s place.

Layer 15: Firsts

When did you lose your first tooth? I was in Prep and it actually fell out while I was in school. We were having storytime and I had to interrupt the session to tell my teacher it was starting to feel loose, so she got me some tissues to help me get it out.

Who was your first teacher that you ever had? Her name was Kathy. I don’t really have any substantial memories of her because I was 4 lmao, but I know she was nice.

When did you first learn how to ride a bike? ...Still learning...

When was the first time you had sex? Like a day or two after turning 18.

Did your first birthday have a theme to it? Not necessarily but my parents threw me a party at Jollibee, so it kinda had to be Jollibee-themed lol.

Layer 16: Lasts

Last person you texted: I don’t feel like checking because it was most definitely a work-related text and I don’t want to be reminded of work on a Sunday, but it was a media person.

Last drink you sipped: The last of my coffee.

Last time you rode a bike: Like, March last year when the pandemic had still been fresh and I thought I could use all the free time to finally learn how to ride a bike. Absolute clownery.

Last time you swam in a pool: August 2019.

Last person you hugged: Not sure. Angela, I think.

Layer 17: Favorites

Favorite Color: I think pastel pink is still taking the lead for me.

Favorite Season: We don’t have the usual four seasons, but I do have a liking for winter. It just seems very cozy for me.

Favorite Shape: I don’t have one.

Favorite Letter: Mmmmm, don’t really have one of these either.

Favorite Number: 4 or 7.

Layer 18: This or That

Pepsi or Coke? I don’t drink softdrinks.

Movies or Television? Movies, but I haven’t really been watching much of either recently.

Phone or Tablet? Phone. Haven’t used a tablet in yearrrrrsssssss.

Fruits or Vegetables? Veggies. Hate fruits.

Animals or Humans? I think I like both an equal amount.

Layer 19: Which

Which Poke’mon is your favorite? Chikorita.

Which day of the week is your favorite? Friday, because of course.

Which birthday celebration was the most memorable for you? My 18th, even though out of all the friends I celebrated my birthday with I only have one of them left in my life. I know I was happy during that time so I wouldn’t invalidate that experience for myself.

Which holiday is your favorite? Christmas, only for the sheer amount of food I get to have.

Which shoe do you put on first? I always switch it up, I’m pretty sure. I don’t have a particular habit.

Layer 20: Love Life/Relationships

What is the name of your first love? Gabie.

How many times can you honestly say you’ve been in love? Once.

Have you ever been in a relationship before that was abusive in any way? After being able to take a step back and analyzing it deeper, yes.

Have you ever been engaged or married before? Nope.

Do you have any children? I don’t.

Layer 21: Jobs, Dreams, & Goals

What did you want to be when you grew up (as a little kid)? I couldn’t decide among being an astronaut, firefighter, or veterinarian.

What do you aspire to be now? What interests you? I realized I wanted to be in the field of media and public relations, and that’s where I am now. I like being able to use my writing skills for something I find fun and fulfilling, instead of rotting away in a newsroom writing news I’m usually too sensitive for.

What is the most recent goal you’ve achieved? I got regularized! :)

What is a goal you are still striving to reach? A salary increase would be nice, and then a promotion down the road would also be awesome.

Have you ever won any sort of awards before? If so, for what? Sure. I was consistently on the honor roll in college and graduated with Latin honors, if those count as awards.

Layer 22: Opinions & Beliefs

Pro-life or pro-choice? Pro-choice.

Were you raised with any sort of religious background? If so, then what? Yesss, I was and am raised in a Catholic household. Weirdly enough my parents have grown more laidback in the last few years and my mom no longer berates us for not doing the sign of the cross when we pray before eating (my siblings have taken after me and refuse to do it as well). No idea what sparked that change but I’m just glad I never have to do gestures like that one anymore.

Democrat, Republican, or Independent? We don’t have the same parties here.

For or against the death penalty? This is a very complicated web and for reasons largely relevant to my country and the issues we have, I am mostly against it.

Thoughts on assisted suicide? I am ok with it as long as there is consent involved.

Layer 23: Currently/Today/Present

What day is it? It’s Sunday again, blegh.

What’s the weather like outside? Sunny.

What have you eaten? Just a Fudgee Bar so far but I’m having breakfast with my family in an hour or so.

Did you run any errands? Well it’s only 8:37 AM so not yet, but one or two might come up throughout the day.

What time is it? 8:38 now.

Layer 24: Yesterday

Did you have a work shift? No, I don’t work Saturdays.

Did you eat out anywhere? No :( I’ve wanted to for a while, though. Maybe I might today, actually – they’ve loosened up quarantine protocols so restaurants have opened up again. Let’s see if I’ll feel like driving today.

Was it snowing? It doesn’t snow here.

Who did you last say goodnight to? Cooper.

Did anything unusual happen? It rained and there was cold breeze during the evening.

Layer 25: Tomorrow

Do you have to go to school/class? No, but I do have to go to work.

Does this day have any sort of significance to you? May 24...I don’t think so. Nothing comes to mind.

What is a chore that needs to get done? My veeeeeeery long list of to-do tasks that I’m trying not to think about rn.

Will you hang out with friends? No chance of that happening.

What time will you be expected to be awake by? 9 AM.

Layer 26: Have You Ever

Performed a magic trick successfully? I don’t think so.

Sat or laid on a rooftop and looked at the stars? I’m at the rooftop all the time but I only occasionally lie down to look at the stars.

Walked around with your underwear on inside out or backwards all day without realizing it? Nope.

Touched a snake? Yep. I’ve had one wrapped around me before, too.

Been bitten by an animal? If so, what animal? Just by ants and mosquitoes.

Layer 27: School Life

Are preschool and kindergarten mandatory where you live? Not sure about mandatory but I’m pretty sure I’ve heard of people who went straight to first grade as kids, either because of advanced intelligence or financial limitations.

Were you or anyone you knew homeschooled? I have one set of cousins who are all homeschooled; and I also used to have classmates who eventually transferred out of my school to be homeschooled instead.

Did you attend public or private school? Private.

Were you bullied in school, popular, or somewhere in-between? I was a loner for the most part, but after befriending the popular groups in high school I kind of got dragged into that scene as well.

What is the highest level of education that you completed? Undergraduate degree.

Layer 28: Your Appearance

Eye Color: Dark brown/black.

Hair Color: Black.

Height: 5′1″.

Weight: A little under 100 lbs.

Do you have freckles, moles, beauty marks, or birthmarks - and where? I have moles on my right arm, under my jaw, near my left knee, and under my left boob. I have a birthmark behind my left shoulder.

Layer 29: Electronics, Internet, & Social Media

How much time do you spend on the internet per day? Hahahah yeesh, way to put me on the spot. I wanna say anywhere between 16-18 hours? I’m online the second I wake up until the moment I turn in for bed.

Which social media platforms do you belong to? Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Tumblr.

When’s the last time you replaced the batteries in your television remote? 4975493875495743 years ago.

Are you more likely to stream movies and shows on your laptop, or cast them to your television? Laptop.

Do you have an e-reader, or do you prefer actual books? I don’t read regularly anymore, but I’ve never liked reading from a screen. I prefer a physical book as much as possible.

Layer 30: Are You

Are you still in school? No. I’m not opposed to grad school either, but it has to be a REALLY REALLY REALLY fucking great opportunity for me to sink my teeth into it. We’re talking getting accepted to grad school in like Spain or NYU; otherwise I wouldn’t take it.

Are you a member of the LGBTQ+ community? Yes.

Are you looking forward to anything coming soon? Festa month!

Are you dreading anything coming soon? Work tomorrow.

Are you gullible or naive? I can be both.

Layer 31: Does

Does your workplace make you feel like you can never take a day off without feeling guilty about it? Not at all. I’m really grateful they take vacation leaves seriously; we even have a Mental Health Break Day scheduled two Fridays from now. Purely a company thing.

Does someone currently hold the key to your heart? Kim Taehyung... :/

Does anyone out there hate you? Idk and I couldn’t give less of a shit if anyone does.

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? No.

Does crying make you feel less strong? Nope. It took me a while to realize it, but acknowledging feelings and processing them is actually one of the strongest things you can do for yourself.

Layer 32: Would You

Do the Polar Bear Plunge? Idk what that is.

Ever try to walk across a room blindfolded? I’ve done it before, so sure.

Swim with sharks? As long as I’m surrounded with experts, yes.

Go into outer space, given the chance? In a heartbeat.

Go out in public, looking how you do right now? Nope.

Layer 33: Pets/Animals

Do you have any pets? If so, what type, and their names… Yesss. There’s Kimi who’s an aspin, and Cooper the beagle.

If not, what type of pet have you always wanted?

What is your favorite animal? Dogs and elephants :)

Do you think it is cruel to have circus animals? Yes, or having animals do tricks for show, in general. I always discourage my parents from booking tickets to animal theme parks when we plan vacations.

How often do you walk your dog, if you have one? How often do you scoop the litterbox, if you have a cat? Every week.

Layer 34: Food

What is your favorite breakfast item? Fried rice.

What is your favorite kind of dessert? Macarons and cheescake.

Do you eat all three meals everyday? Nah. I have one meal on weekdays, and two meals on some weekends.

What’s the longest you’ve gone without food? Around 24 hours.

What do you like to eat when you are feeling sick? Greasy things haha. If I’m feeling like death, might as well be having good food.

Layer 35: Past

Does your past ever come back to haunt you at times? Not really.

What is one of your favorite memories of the past? Spending my college years with the right people.

What is something that you used to do in the past, but no longer do? Harm myself.

If you could have a meal with someone from the past, who would it be, and what would you ask them? Audrey Hepburn, but I don’t really have a question for her. It would just be nice to get to spend a few minutes with her.

Which historical time period would you like to go back to and check out? Precolonial Philippines.

Layer 36: Future

Do you think you will ever get married one day? It’s definitely a lovely scenario to have but I’m really unsure about it at the moment just because there’s no one I have in mind and I have no plans to start dating around again soon.

Do you plan on ever getting a different job in the future, or are you happy with the one you’ve got? I’m happy with the one I have and I don’t see it changing any time soon.

What age do you plan to retire at? Or do you plan on working til you’re dead? Probably the latter haha.

What is something on your bucket list worth mentioning? Going to Wrestlemania.

If given the opportunity to see how your future plays out, would you take it, or no? Yes.

Layer 37: Hygiene

How often do you shower? Once daily. Twice if it’s stupidly hot during the day.

How often do you brush your teeth? Once or twice a day.

Do you actually iron any of your clothes? Mm, not really. But if I was planning on wear something that gets easily crumpled, I iron that in advance.

How often do you do laundry? I’m not in charge of laundry.

How long do you use a bath towel before switching it out? Around 1–2 weeks.

Layer 38: Clothing, Makeup, & Style

Do you wear nail polish? If so, how often do you paint your nails? Nah.

How would your describe your sense of style? I like sticking with trends as long as I feel comfortable in them.

Are there any popular trends that you do not find appealing? Just makeup in general.

Where do you typically buy your clothing from? Local small businesses or H&M.

What sorts of accessories do you wear/use? I don’t really invest in them, but I wanna start buying more headbands, bucket hats, and earrings.

Layer 39: Hobbies

Do you still color, even as an adult? Occasionally.

Do you/would you like to crochet, knit, cross-stitch, etc? Yeaaah I do embroidery but I’ve stopped for a while since finding other interests and hobbies to dabble in. I have no plans to ditch it completely though; I’ll come back to it when the time is right.

What’s the last thing you crafted all by yourself? Not sure.

Do you use Pinterest at all? Nope.

What’s the last thing that you cooked or baked? Lol.

Layer 40: Dislikes

List some of your pet peeves here. Driving slowly on lanes intended for overtaking; taking too much of my food; being subtle about asking for favors.

What are some things that annoy you about yourself? Easily punishing myself for mistakes, no matter how small; I also find that putting others first before myself 100% of the time can sometimes end up being an inconvenience for myself.

Is there anyone out there who you actually hate? Who? Nope.

What is a feeling that you dislike? “I should have done/said this.” Not sure what feeling this falls under (maybe helplessness?), but having these thoughts irritate me to no end especially if I can’t do anything about the situation.

Do you get some ugly road rage while driving? Yep.

Layer 41: Random

Have you ever successfully pogo’ed on a pogo stick? Nah, I’ve never even seen one in real life. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always been dying to try getting on one lol.

Have you ever mastered the jump rope? I wouldn’t say I’m a master, but I can do the basic jumps and last a long time doing them.

Do you know what it feels like to be truly happy? I don’t know if I’ve determined this already; I have a lot of years ahead of me and lots of experiences I’ve yet to go through.

Is it winter in your part of the world right now? No.

What’s your favorite type of survey, and why? Random ones or ones with categories, like this one.

Layer 42: Music

What are some of your favorite genres of music? Alternative, folk indie, punk rock, R&B...and BTS.

What are some music genres that you can’t stand? Country, screamo, techno.

If you had a blank pair of concert tickets, who would you hope to be going to see? Any one of my holy trinity: Paramore, Beyoncé, or BTS.

Do you still listen to music on the radio from time to time? Not anymore, come to think of it. I’m completely unaware of the Top 40 space right now, and have been for a while.

iTunes, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Music, or YouTube? Spotify.

Layer 43: Books

What were some of your favorite books as a child? The Septimus Heap series and the Percy Jackson series.

What genre of books do you typically read most often? Memoirs.

What are some of your favorite books as an adult? I don’t read anymore.

What is a book that you were required to read for school that you actually enjoyed? Hands down, Without Seeing the Dawn. I remember fairly enjoying Charlotte’s Web and Number the Stars as well.

Do you read any newspapers or magazines anymore? No.

Layer 43: Around the World

Where’s the best place you’ve taken a vacation and/or day trip to? Jeju, South Korea; Bali, Indonesia; Palawan; Batanes; and Boracay.

Where is somewhere that you’d like to go someday, assuming you have the funds to do so? Seoul, South Korea.

Where do your family members originate from? Just Philippines.

What is your favorite type of ethnic cuisine? All Asian cuisines. Each of them is so unique and always has something new to discover.

What is something that is typically representative of your own culture? Jollibee? Hahaha.

Layer 44: Would you Rather…

Drink apple juice or grape juice? Apple.

Wear pants or shorts? Shorts, as much as possible.

Be taller or shorter? Taller.

Go to a zoo or an aquarium? Neither if possible.

Visit an art gallery or a museum? Museum.

Layer 45: Movies

Do you remember what the first movie was that you saw in theaters? Stuart Little 2 when I was 4.

What are some of your favorite movies you’ve seen? Two for the Road, Gone with the Wind, Roman Holiday, Revolutionary Road, Toy Story, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and Room.

What genre of movie do you typically enjoy? Drama.

What is a movie you’ve seen that you weren’t expecting to like, but were pleasantly surprised? Requiem For A Dream, but maybe remove ‘pleasantly.’ Anomalisa is also a good answer for this.

How many movies do you own? Are they all DVD’s, or do you still have some VHS ones left? I just watch them on Netflix, haha.

Layer 46: Personality

Are you more of an introvert or an extrovert? I’m really more of an ambivert than anything else. I can deal with alone time and more social days equally well.

Are you more easygoing and laid back, or anal? Again, I can be both depending on the situation.

Are you kind to everyone who shows that they deserve kindness? Yes.

Describe your sense of humor. I can laugh over anything from dad jokes to crackhead memes.

Do you tend to over-share? Not really. I tend to have a good sense of how much I should share depending on the person/group I’m with.

Layer 47: Celebrities

Which celebrity has given their child the most unique name, in your opinion? I mean, Elon Musk and Grimes have to be up there, right? The Kardashians have also given their kids unique names, but I actually am a fan of them all.

Are there any celebrities that you keep tabs on/read articles about often? Nah, I’m past that part of my life lol. As obsessed as I am with BTS and as unavoidable rumors about their personal life are, I literally don’t care and just want them to have happy private lives. That’s one of the reasons why I know I’m truly in my 20s now hahaha.

Who is/are your celebrity crush(es)? Kim Taehyung, Hayley Williams, Kristen Stewart.

Have you ever personally met someone famous before? If so, then who? A lot of local celebrities and personalities since it came with the nature of my course.

Who is a celebrity that you’re getting tired of hearing about all the time? Ariana Grande and Taylor Swift.

Layer 48: Emotions

When was the last time you cried? Earlier, but they were happy tears.

What are some things that you’re afraid of? Big change, injections, drowning, sharp objects.

What is something small that makes you happy? Cold weather.

Who is the last person that you were angry with, and about what? My mom wrongfully blaming me for something I had very little to do with. Both my siblings are very sensitive and are never scolded, so I usually take the heat even for things I’m barely involved in. Such is the life of the eldest daughter in an Asian household, lmao.

Are you typically a shy or outgoing person? I’m always shy at first, but end up being perky and outgoing once warmed up.

Layer 49: Digging Deeper

What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? Mixed drinks.

How old were you when you got drunk for the first time? 18.

Do you smoke? Very rarely. I don’t want to make it a habit.

Have you ever taken and sent naked pictures of yourself? I have.

Have you ever done any drugs other than marijuana? If so, which ones? No.

Layer 50: Games

What are some of your favorite video games? Mario Kart, Resident Evil, and Legend of Zelda are some of my favorite series.

Do you have any computer games that you play regularly? I don’t play computer games.

What was your favorite board game, growing up? Scrabble.

How about your favorite card game? I also don’t play card games.

How good are you at solving puzzles? (such as a Rubik’s cube, word puzzles, or putting together a jigsaw puzzle) I don’t like puzzles.

#survey #surveys

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storybookprincess · 5 years ago

Text

tips on surviving extended social distancing (from someone who was largely housebound for 18 months as a teenager)

listen, y’all. covid is here. no gettin around it. and we are really going to need to come together as a nation (and as a planet, quite frankly) to help stop the spread & save as many lives as we can. public health experts universally agree that social distancing is one of the absolute best ways to slow the spread of disease, so we all need to stay home and avoid large crowds as much as we possibly can in order to keep people alive. this is not to alarm you. rather, it should be empowering--so often, we feel there’s nothing we can do in times of crisis, but this time there is a very clear action you can take. social distancing. stay home as much as you can & know that by doing it, you’re literally keeping people from dying.

that being said, being stuck in your apartment/house most of the day is, to put it mildly, a tremendous pain in the ass. i know this firsthand--i largely spent ages 16 & 17 housebound due to a chronic illness that left me too ill to go anywhere most days. i did, however, manage to keep a grip on my sanity by employing the following strategies. they will not turn social distancing into a party. they also will not work for everyone in the world (read: if this does not apply to you, kindly keep scrolling instead of writing an essay on why these tips do not work for your specific situation). but they’re a few ideas to get you started thinking of ways to make the best of a bad situation.

1. accept that it is going to be a tremendous adjustment & there will be negative emotions associated with that

lives are going to change. routines will be interrupted. things are going to be vastly different for a while. and it is completely okay to feel frightened, frustrated, upset, restless, bored, hopeless, etc etc. identify & accept those feelings. this is a global crisis, so if you didn’t feel anything negative about it whatsoever, i’d honestly be concerned. be prepared to employ (or better yet, proactively employ) whatever methods you have to cope w negative feelings--journaling, meditation, relaxation strategies, talking w a friend/loved one/professional, watching cute cat videos, whatever works for you. take good care of your mental health, but know that life is going to be hard for a while & it’s okay to feel bad.

2. to the best of your ability, maintain a routine

literally anything you read online about coping w mental illness will suggest you have some sort of structure to your day & you know what? they’re not wrong. yes, sleeping in & having a lazy day occasionally is good for you, but try to have some sort of loose routine most days. humans thrive on that shit. i know lots of people resist this advice for whatever reason, but it really does help the days stop blurring together into an endless stream of blah. wake up when you’d usually wake up. eat when you’d usually eat. if you’re working or studying from home, do those things when you’d normally do them. have leisure time when you’d normally do it. by whatever means necessary, pls try to maintain a routine.

3. relatedly, get dressed & do your same personal care routine every day

this was weirdly extremely important to me when i was homebound & sick. for whatever reason, getting dressed & doing my makeup, even when i was just sitting at home all day, helped me feel like a human being. i too enjoy being a sweatpants goblin on occasion, but it really will make you feel like an actual person & not a slug to keep up your same personal care practices every day.

4. socialize long distance

you will most likely have to get creative w this one, but there are SO many ways to keep in touch w friends & loved ones remotely. play video games together from your own homes, share your screen & watch a show together, have a dinner date in which you both make or order dinner & then eat & talk via video chat, chat w online pals via discord, move your d&d game to roll20, have a virtual book club, etc etc. i feel confident that if we all come together, we can come up w ways to stay in touch remotely. to me, this is one of the most important ways to stay sane. people NEED people, so pls stay in touch w pals.

5. spend your time in ways that make you feel good

this is going to look different for everyone, but think about what activities you can do from home that make you feel happy & good about yourself. for me, that’s often writing, knitting, and cooking/baking. sitting at home scrolling through your phone, for most people, doesn’t really making them feel awesome, so try to spend your time in ways that are actually meaningful to you.

my pro version of this tip is to make a list of these sorts of activities ahead of time. i know when i’m grumpy & restless & bored, i often struggle to come up w ideas of what i’d like to do, so having a list on hand already is really helpful. to get you started, some entries on mine might be: listen to a podcast, play video games, watch a new show i’ve been meaning to, create fan content of some variety, paint my nails, watch some educational videos, read some books or comics, etc. make your own list & have fun!!!

6. wherever possible, try to find the silver lining

yes, it’s hard to find the good in being cooped up all day. however, i just got word that my organization is mandating everyone work from home now & i’m trying to find some good in that. for example, i get an extra half hour of sleep in the morning bc i don’t need to commute! i don’t have to dress business casual anymore! i can hang w my cat while i work! i can pop down to the convenience store for coffee whenever i want! i don’t have to sit in a windowless office all day! i can go on the fun sites usually blocked on school wifi on quick brain breaks! i can lie down when i don’t feel well! etc etc. try to find the good, however small it may be.

7. try to find things to do for others

one of the best ways to combat the slow creep of despair into your psyche is to do things to help other people. human beings have managed to survive this long by virtue of being kind. for example, i’m going to try to write as much as i can in the coming weeks to try to give people something to enjoy while they’re stuck inside. i also think i’m going to bring a small treat to the nurses at the hospital when i go in for my routine treatment to thank them for their hard work in this tough time. if we all band together & are kind to each other, we can find some light & hope in all of this.

i hope those tips end up helping you as we move forward. this is a time of adjustment, uncertainty, and change. it’s going to be hard & scary, but we’ll find a way through. if anyone has additional tips, pls feel free to add on. my thoughts & love are w all of you <3

#covid 19 #coronavirus #liv speaks #signal boost #sending love & hope & light to everyone

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wreathedinscales · 3 years ago

Link

Happy Father’s Day to Eldritch Din Djarin!

I listened to Halsey’s Control while writing this

()

Here is what Moff Gideon sees in an empty hallway:

Din Djarin reaches for his spear. His hand stops. His breath shortens, shakes.

"Surrendering already?" Gideon says, flexing his hand on the Darksaber's hilt. "I thought you were Mandalorian."

Breath turns to coughing. To hissing. To a...strange, snarling thing. And words.

"I don't...have time...for this."

Gideon's eyes have narrowed, spine tensed. "Oh really? And here I thought I was your goal."

Moff Gideon sees Din Djarin's head wrench to the side.

"You," the Mandalorian whispers, "you did this. You made me—I can't—"

More words. Words that are not, cannot be words.

"Ygnaiih..." Din Djarin's body jerks, doubled over. "Ygnaiih...thflthjh'ngha..."

He reaches for his helmet, but the movements are halting, as if Gideon's eyes can't quite register them in time.

"You go against your Creed?" he asks tightly. He has taken three cautious steps back.

The visor snaps up. It looks the same and completely different. As if...as if something else is there.

"Y'bthnk," Din Djarin—is this Din Djarin?—gurgles, "h'ehye...n'grkdl'lh..."

The Mandalorian removes his helmet.

()

Here is what Bo-Katan Kryze sees in a too-small camera feed:

A mass. An oppressive, enormous mass, stretching wall to wall, floor to ceiling. Eyes, too many to count, rolling independently of each other. Some irises have teeth. Some have the void. Some have things that no one should see.

It moves fast, this. Thing. Far faster than she'd expect for something so large. It uses dozens of oddly-bent legs and arms, scattered haphazardly along its body, to propel itself through the ship. That is how Bo-Katan knows it's playing with Gideon: compared to this Thing, the man is a helpless snail.

Here is what she hears:

Screaming. This is human, at least. But the roar that swallows it—there is nothing in the galaxy that can utter such a sound, grating and guttural. It's the kind of roar that devours planets.

Something primal shudders in Bo-Katan, forcing her to stagger away with tears in her eyes. She has not cried since childhood. It's as if her body is trying to expel the sight of the Thing and whatever its presence incites in her.

"What the hell was that?" Fennec demands.

Bo-Katan grabs her arm before she can take a look. "Don't."

Everyone turns to her with wide eyes.

"Bo?" Koska murmurs.

Bo-Katan can only shake her head and repeat, "Don't."

The roar again. Closer.

Cara slams her hand on the panel. The blast doors shut. Bo-Katan does not feel safe.

An eye slams against a camera, rolling, twitching. Bo-Katan knows, instinctually, that it can see her beating heart.

Gideon tries to use the Darksaber. It cuts, but the Creature only growls more not-words.

He runs to the Darktroopers' chamber. There is nothing there, but that means nothing. They will be back. If he can just hold out, they will be back.

In the meantime, there's only one option. It's a long shot. It's all that's left.

This is what Grogu sees, left in a cell:

His captor sprinting in, terrified. The Darksaber swinging, stopping just short of his tiny throat.

Then, his father, freed of his armor. Eyes, eyes that Grogu always knew were there, focusing on him. Mouths salivating for the flesh of his captor. Writhing limbs snapping to the walls, the floor, the ceiling, bending metal, ready to strike.

Here is what Grogu feels, facing an impossible Thing:

Safe.

Gideon fails to tame the fine tremor in his body. "One move, and I cut him to pieces."

Some of the eyelids are horizontal, some vertical, some diagonal, some absent altogether. Half roll to Gideon, the other still fixated on Grogu.

Grogu, who has felt the Force that his father is forced to manipulate, though he doubts he knows it's the Force. His father tries so, so hard to contain himself to one beating heart that supplies breakable bones and knowable flesh. He is human, to an extent, but there is a Gate under the skin he maintains—perhaps due to his own father being a Gatekeeper. Beskar's ability to block the Force provides a counterbalance, energies that constantly clash to keep his father on two legs.

He is human, to an extent. And so he has limits. Grogu has awakened something in him that he has never felt, and Grogu was taken. Din Djarin's flesh couldn't hold, and the Rest of him cried out for, and to, help.

The energy choking the ship and soothing Grogu is something beyond human concepts of Light and Dark, though it has both. It simply is. Gideon's human mind cannot comprehend it. But Gideon's sanity hardly matters now.

Father's eyes tilt, so slowly it takes a moment to realize they are sliding down. The mouths converge in their place, forming a maw with an eclipse for a tongue. Grogu watches as Gideon is devoured from flesh to essence.

Father retreats immediately, disappearing so fast he leaves black spots in Grogu's vision. Grogu blinks them away.

"Ah?" he calls.

Grinding sounds, like rusty machinery. Grogu feels the disturbance in the Force: his father cannot turn back.

It's a bit difficult with the cuffs, but Grogu manages to get down from the bench. He waddles as fast as he can to the door, cooing. What is his father scared of?

He turns the corner and shakes his arms. "Buh!"

Father recoils. The maw is once again small mouths, eyes narrowed in their previous spots.

Grogu pouts. "Mm?"

The eyes widen. Some blink, some don't.

Grogu approaches. Father continues to stare. There's something like fur, black as pitch, covering his Form, and Grogu finds out it's as soft as it looks. He snuggles close, wondering if he can climb all the way to the roots and sleep. He is very tired.

"Gr'uh," his father growls, "gr'uh...Grogu..."

"Buh," Grogu replies.

With a few crackling noises, a paw and something like a hand embrace him. They're followed by a rasping usually heard from the dying, but Grogu knows his father is just trying to express his joy, his relief.

The limbs retract. Unfortunately, the fur goes too.

Din Djarin forces his helmet on, and the Gate closes. He coughs wetly, getting black sludge on his breastplate he quickly uses his cape to wipe off. Maybe that's what his blood really looks like, or maybe it's just leftovers from his Form.

He breaks the cuffs, no longer hiding his strength. It makes Grogu happy. "You okay?"

"Patu," Grogu says.

A choked laugh. Grogu is lifted in human arms now. Grogu snuggles against his father's shoulder, patting the armor. His father holds him close.

"You're..." Father stops to take a shaky breath. "You're very special, kid."

"Mm."

Father sighs. "Guess I should take the laser sword. Looks like the Darksaber Bo-Katan wants."

He's just picking it up when something stomps down the hall.

"You gotta be kidding me," Father mutters. He huffs when Grogu pats his helmet eagerly. "No, that's done."

He looks at the Darksaber.

"Maybe we should see what this thing is capable of."

Father doesn't bother to hide his speed either. He cuts the droids down one-handed, Grogu laughing from his other arm as they spin and slide and slice.

Once done, Father starts walking. Grogu yawns, earning pets. They reach blast doors.

Father activates his comm. "It's me."

(There's a double-meaning for those on the bridge. It's me. It was me.)

The doors don't open. Grogu burbles in confusion. Can't they see everything's okay?

Father speaks again, but his voice is subdued. "I'll met you on the ship."

He still waits another moment. Then he sighs and turns.

The doors open.

"Djarin," Cara snaps, "What the fuck was that."

Grogu turns to look at her. Everyone is tense, fear so thick he can almost smell it. He frowns.

Cautiously, Father enters the room. "I was...more tired than I thought. Couldn't keep it together."

"'Keep it together?'"

"...my father—the father that I lost—wasn't biological. Just my mother. I don't know if you'd recognize the name of my blood father."

"That's it?" Fennec snaps, "A family trait?"

Father feels sad. Grogu burbles in distress, earning more pets.

"That's as close as I can get. It's. Hard to explain. But it's still me," he adds hastily. "With the beskar, I can handle it. Today was just an exception."

"You call that an exception?" Bo-Katan says. Grogu doesn't like her tone. It sounds like she wants to fight.

Father holds Grogu tighter. "Listen, we got what we came for. You don't have to see me again. Here." He holds out the Darksaber.

Bo-Katan's jaw works. "I can't take it." The words sound like they're yanked from her.

"Why not?" Father asks flatly.

"It must be won," Koska says.

"I yield. Take it."

"That's not how it works," Bo-Katan says, "It must be won."

"Come on," Father says lowly, "just take it."

"No."

This sigh goes through Father's whole body. "Fine. Find me when you're ready. But we got what we came for. Let's—"

Proximity alarms go off. Grogu raises his head.

He's here.

#the mandalorian #eldritch din djarin #ecriture

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